Saturday, January 27, 2018

THE DIVA: This is why guys are the ‘ghosting’


By Christine Chacha

Imagine having the man you want being head over heels in love with you, so in love that he will never dream of leaving you. It would be great never having to worry whether he will leave but this is the 21st century and ghosting is the new trend. Ghosting is when one goes poof and disappears out of someone’s life without a word or explanation and guys are the ghosting masters. He could have promised a second date but never followed up, you could have been intimate and he vanished come morning, or he simply cut off all communication with no explanation.

Sometimes guys run for the hills when a relationship gets serious but in most cases they notice something in you that turns him off, or circumstances around your life scare him. So rather than deal with it or face you they opt to just ghost on you. Here are the most common reasons why guys ghost on women.

Your past history: If a guy finds out that you slept with someone he knows whether it was before or after the relationship, he will call it off. Men are governed by their pride and will have a hard time getting past the fact that you slept with someone he knows. Do some background check on a guy before you commit, if you discover that you had a romp session with one of his pals be cautious and let his pursuit of you be a sign that he is able to handle it. If not, just move on.

You want to change him: Women have a natural tendency to fix things; we always want to be a psychologist to every one including the men we date. I read somewhere that no woman can change a man except his own mother. In dating, men just want to confide and trust the women in their lives not to be changed. If you are determined to change and fix him, be sure that he will run.

Too dependent: Most women tend to make the men they are dating the center of their universe. If you lose yourself, and make him your all in all, he starts to freak out. You lose your friends, your life, hobbies and make him the source of happiness thinking that is how you can keep him. You will be shocked when he calls it quits without any valid explanation. Of course it’s good to need your man but when you sense that you are losing a bit of yourself in him, take a step back and remember that interdependence is what balances out a relationship

Too independent: A university degree, a great job and your self sufficiency may attract him to you. But, once he’s in, he wants you to let go a little bit and need him. Others hold on and become arrogant and bossy. It is at this point that you must learn to let a man be a man, allow him to meet your needs in a way that only he can or else he will feel unneeded and take off.

You can’t mind your own business: I advocate for keeping tabs on your man but it should not be taken to psycho levels. If you are ever watching and monitoring his every move on trying to decipher what he’s up to then you are getting to dangerous levels. Guys feel smothered or stalked when you monitor each and every move he makes. Give him some space. It gives him a chance to let his true feelings develop and show him you have better things to do.

You’re full of drama. Men hate drama yet women are full of it, sometimes it might be the hormonal issues in our bodies but sometimes it’s just psycho tendencies. If you’re up one day, then down the next with no explanation, it will only confuse him. You’re making it hard for him to figure you out and your attitude makes him feel like he isn’t wanted, he’ll disappear.