We have many pregnancies

With a majority of the teachers here expectant, one would expect the staffroom not to be full on most days, and to be generally quiet. I, therefore, hoped that there would be plenty of lunch left for some of us, as one would expect the appetite of the few expectant teachers who show up to be low.

Well, that is almost happening. Except on two days: Terrific Tuesday ad Sumptuous Thursdays. On these days, the staffroom is as full as always, and on those two days, our expectant teachers are always in the staffroom quite early, eagerly waiting for food, which they take with astonishing dedication.

As you may remember, two weeks ago, I had pulled out of the staffroom lunch club and decided to start taking lunch as an independent. In protest, I had also “lefted” all staffroom WhatsApp groups. I had been sure that would be a great loss to the staffroom as I am usually the source of all jokes on the groups; jokes that are usually sent to me while still hot by my brother Pius from Nairobi.

As such, a few days later, Bensouda held reconciliatory talks with me asking me to consider my stance on doing things independently. After much soul searching, internal deliberations and consultations with my friends and particularly my mentor, I decided to get back to the WhatsApp groups, and also rejoined the lunch club.

I officially rejoined the lunch last Monday, but as you know, there is nothing to write home about Ugali-Sukuma, however good a writer you are! The real day to look forward to was Terrific Tuesday. The big day of chicken. It is on this day that I expected to tawala in the staffroom given that Bensouda and Kwame were not around, and also the fact that the expectant teachers would not be interested in chicken. How wrong I was.

Half an hour to lunch time, when the aroma of chicken kicked me out of the classroom to the staffroom, I found Mrs Atika, Madam Ruth, Lena and Sella, all seated, waiting for lunch.

Although he had not paid, we allowed Saphire to join us for lunch that day, as Kuya and Bensouda were not around. It was also a subtle way of inviting him to the club, and also, one needed no calculator to know that Saphire would only join if it were free. The other reason we allowed him was because only he could ask the expectant teachers some tough questions.

“But you ladies, tuseme tu ukweli,” he started. “It is not possible that you all came here and found yourselves all pregnant. I can’t buy such a story.”

“It is true Saph,” said Madam Ruth, smiling cheekily. “We never planned anything and until last week, I thought I was the only one expectant.”

Sella also chipped in, sheepishly smiling. “Getting a baby was one of my New Year’s resolutions,” she said. “The only thing that was missing was a man and since the men in this staffroom are slow, I could not say no to Wafula when he asked me,” she added, causing loud laughter.

“And you will agree that with Wafula, my life will be much better than if I had fallen for Saphire or Kuya.”

“Maybe Sapphire,” said Lena. “Kuya ni wa Nzomo. And I think she is also expecting! She told me yesterday”

“You people are not serious!” I said. “This thing was planned.”

“I don’t know if it was planned, but she told me yesterday, and please don’t tell anyone as it was a private conversation.”