When young men fall in traps of sugar mummies

It has now become very trendy. The social media has taken over the burden of face-to-face dating and many, including sugar mummies are not left behind in this development. Besides the ease of posting profiles on their wall, it affords anonymity to both the sugar mummy and the prospective dates. It also makes it easier to write lurid details that cannot be said straight.

On a non-descript facebook post, Rehema (39) expressed her wish to link with any willing younger date. Within a short period, the wall was awash with the profiles of as many as 200 comments offering contacts, 56 likes and more than 100 young men seeking to be hooked with Rehema.

Part of her profile read that “my name is Rehema, I am thirty-nine years old and lives in Masaki. My husband died a year ago. I am looking for a young sexually active hot dude. All I want from him is nothing but sex…”

On the same facebook page, there are numerous such posts from different women whose only need is sex with men younger than themselves.

A survey carried out by Woman revealed that, majority of sugar mummies target university students and other able-bodied young men. Oblivious of the possibility that the older women could be HIV positive, and lured by the material prospects, many young men are finding themselves lured into the scheme. Indeed, some of these women are HIV positive but they dare not disclose their statuses. Could the high rise in the HIV prevalence among the youth be linked to sugar mummies?

According to tz.one.un.org website, Aids has become the leading cause of death among young people in Tanzania. However, no survey has been done linking the youth and sugar mummies.

George Lyimo*, 26, is a second year student at the Tanzania Institute of Accounts (TIA). He is among the youth already under the spell of sugar mummies in this city. He has been dating a sugar mummy for the past two years. A college friend, Jonas, 25, who is also dating a sugar mummy hooked him.

According to George, the sugar mummy’s fondness for Jonas started when she realised that he was single besides being a busy student.

She wanted to date someone with no attachment to any woman, emotional or otherwise. She reckoned that such a young man was easier to handle. She said that Jonas was the perfect choice for her for he had no strings attached. He quietly sneaked on weekends to meet her on the excuse that he was obliged to see his parents in Bagamoyo.

George says that Jonas kept him in the dark about their relationship with the sugar mummy. It later dawned on him that Jonas was seeing a sugar mummy when he fell sick and needed financial support some three months down the road.

“I would not have known it since he had kept me in the dark about the affair insisting that Mary* should send her some money for treatment. From the telephone conversation, I gathered that Jonas did not want her to show up at the hospital,” said George.

When the woman later appeared at the hospital after an hour, Jonas lied again that she was the aunt.

“She was in a smart, long kitenge dress. She had a bit of make up on her face. She sat next to us asking whether we had seen the doctor. When I greeted her Shikamoo, she responded by saying salama. I was surprised since she was an older woman. I thought she was confused since Jonas was unwell,” says George. George said since there were a lot of patients at the hospital she suggested they go to another hospital. She paid the hospital bills and drove them to her home where George had to leave Jonas to recuperate for a couple of days.

George said that, upon their arrival at this woman’s house they found another skimpily dressed woman who served them juice and snacks.

A week later, Jonas confessed to George that the lady is indeed the sugar mummy who pays his school fees and gives him pocket money. He also introduced George to the skimpily dressed lady who they had met earlier.

“I was shocked at first but since I had financial problems and the sugar mummy was ready to go for HIV test and to provide for me, I had to say yes,” says George.

My life has completely changed as I get everything I want. She buys for me expensive clothes, watch and phone. We also go for vacations and she spoils me.

He says the only challenge is that, he is not free to go anywhere out of the college without his sugar mummy. He only hangs at high profile places.

“There are times I don’t enjoy my freedom and everyone who looks at us knows that I am being taken care of by her. And she hates it when young girls smile at me,” says George.

Commenting on the matter, the Rev Aidan Mbulininge of the St Peter’s Anglican Church in Dar es Salaam said poor parenting is to be blamed for this.

“Parents are very busy to bring food on the table. School fees, rent and other bills drive parents so crazy that they forget they have children to raise and leave it to the house girls,” says the Rev Mbulininge. He added that parents do spend too much time to and from work in traffic jams. When they get home they are tired and don’t have time to talk to their children. On Sundays instead of taking their children to church they choose to rest.

With the given trend, children learn a lot from television and very little from school, and nothing from parents. As a result, they pick both positive and negative things. However, negative knowledge spreads fast. They grow up without the fear of God. “If a child was to be raised with the fear of God there is no way she/he could dare have a sexual relationship at a very young age, forget about an affair with older people,” he says.

He further said that majority of parents think that taking their children to school is enough. They forget to teach them about self-dependence. They end up being trapped by people with ill intentions who give them money and use them.

Elizabeth Jeremiah, 52, is a single mother of seven children. One of her sons is married to an older white woman. She says she did what she could do to teach her son on the best way to go about his life, however, he deviated.

“I agree that good parenting helps to keep our children away from negative things. In my case it was never easy to raise seven children alone. At some point, I am to blame for what is happening to my son now,” she says.

There are times I wish their father was around. I used to spend too much time travelling for business to put food on the table. I never had enough time with my children while they were growing up, she adds.

Rachel Dereck* 46, is a sugar mummy who was divorced eight years ago. She says the only driving factor for dating young men is sex. Her husband had extra marital affairs and they decided to divorce.

“My husband was spending days with his mistress. He was even diverting family resources to the mistress and we really worked hard together to get that money. I had to file for a divorce to make sure what we got together was divided equally,” says Rachel. She adds that she also wanted to get even with her husband to prove that she could also get a young man as he did with a younger mistress.

From then, I just decided to get someone who is young, financially unstable and not dating anyone. Through her banking job, she met her current boyfriend three years ago. The young man was looking for help from a banker to process a loan and she managed to win him through processing the loan within a very short time.

According to Rachel, the loan was meant for taking the young man to the university. He was going to the bank frequently to follow up on the loan status. From there they exchanged contacts and few days later they started dating.

As these sugar mummies continue to set traps to young men for sexual gratification, Mbago Urio, a psychologist based in Dar es Salaam explains that poverty and lack of self-confidence are to blame for this trend. He says those are the major factors driving young men to fall for older women with money.

“It makes them feel more secure financially as they are never asked to contribute anything that needs money in the relationship. They also follow the rules given by these sugar mummies so that they keep them for their survival,” says Mr Urio.