My family and I are moving to South Africa within the next thirty days so that I can start work on a new job. It is the first time we will be away from home and I’m worried for my children who have never known any other home. Their lifelong friends are all here and I’m sure the move will affect their lives.

I have explained our forthcoming relocation but their faces speak volumes of their breaking hearts. At the end of the day, life must go on, be it at home or elsewhere. All the same, do you think there are ways I could lessen their emotional trauma? They are aged between10 and 17
Moses Makutano, Dar es Salaam

Dear Moses,
Relocating for most families is an enormous challenge. Your family’s move to a new country, which is thousands of miles away from home may be much harder than you think.

Research suggests however, that younger children tend to adjust faster than older ones because of their selfless nature. Your older children owing to their developmental stage might need a longer transition period.

With issues like social acceptance and homesickness, you must arm yourself with lots of understanding and patience. Given time, everything should fall back into place. But as they say home is where the heart is so you can carry it with you wherever you go.

Psychological preparation
Everybody enjoys recognition and on the family front, making sure all the children are well apprised of the move beforehand will prove to them that they are valued members of the family.

Let everyone know why you all need to move to South Africa and the importance of keeping the family unit. The information may initially get a cold reception because of the lifelong bonds with friends, relatives, school and home environs.

After breaking the news, give the children time to digest the information as they contemplate their new life in South Africa. Children experience a broad spectrum of emotions and given the opportunity, they may go so far as to brand their parents prison wardens if their voices are not heard. Being bombarded with life changing news is likely to spur a negative reaction.

Maintain the usual lifestyle
Hearing your children say for instance: “We would never use public transport back at home,” is both heartbreaking and demoralising. To make life a little easier for them, do the things you used to do in the old country.

If you are able to give them an even better lifestyle than they had at home, all the better because they will feel less homesick and have more self–esteem. If they shared a bathroom at home, get them self-contained rooms in the new home and watch how fast they’ll love their new home.

Socialise
You can arrange to meet and greet the neighbours or go to church to make new acquaintances. Before the younger children visit the neighbour’s house though, pay a visit yourself to ensure that they will be safe.The faster you let your hair down, the homelier the new environs will become. Enroll your children in school and allow their friends to visit.

Stay in touch
Absence makes the heart grow fonder and your children will be perfectly normal to feel homesick. In that case, allow them to keep in touch with friends and family on the telephone and via the Internet. Keeping in touch with old friends will be reassuring.  
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