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We are expecting our first child in two weeks. Everything is going well and in fact we have already confirmed the sex of the baby. Now all we have to do is find a name for her and we will be ready for our princess; but here lies the greatest contention. My husband and I can’t seem to settle on a name we both love. He wants the baby to carry his mother’s name but I feel that’s a bit old fashioned. Moreover I don’t really get along that well with my mother-in-law. There’s no offence intended and I respect her as my mother-in-law but my daughter will certainly not bear her name. This is our first child after multiple miscarriages and I was thinking of a name like ‘Precious’, ‘Blessing’ or ‘Furaha.’ My husband doesn’t want to hear any of what he calls ‘Westernised’ names. There’s war brewing and if we don’t watch it, we will take home a nameless baby. What is your take on this?
Hindi Baraka, Kinondoni, Dar es Salaam.
Dear Hindi,
Playing the referee for first time parents is a slippery slope few people dare to take. According to a non-scientific survey from the website site ‘YourBabyDomain’ 8 per cent of parents regret the name choice of their first time babies. Parents in the survey cite a number of reasons for regret like discovering that other parents had overused that same name for their newborns or the name suddenly becoming unpopular. There are lots of reasons behind the manner in which people christen their children; some want to carry on the family heritage while others (like you)want to recognise the miraculous powers behind their conception. Indeed, baby-naming tales are interesting.
In many cultures surnames are predetermined and parents only have a say in choosing their children’s first names. What can I say, both sides of the coin seem genuine and I wouldn’t want to take any sides. But as a couple, consider these guidelines and hopefully they will contain the situation.
Find a common ground
There are several ways to kill a rat. One of you can choose the middle name while the other chooses the first name.
In your case, your mother-in-law may not be your favourite person, but bear in mind she is your husband’s mother and he probably wants to honour her. Alternatively you can give the child a name that incorporates both your desires.
If you plan to have other children, let your spouse have his way and bargain on naming the next child. Because you both love your child so much you don’t want to end up in a situation where you hate the name you gave her.
Make it about the child
Just because you love Kim Kardashian or Britney Spears doesn’t mean your child should carry their legacy. While pop stars may be trendy today, tomorrow they might fall from grace. You don’t want your child changing their name in future, do you? A friend of mine, who was ‘Mark’ when we were growing up, adopted ‘Alan’ in his adulthood; today he is more Alan than Mark. Give your child a timeless name that she will embrace now and in future.
The road not to travelYou don’t want to call your child ‘Osama’ or ‘Hitler’ unless your intention is for him to follow in the footsteps of his predecessor.
Likewise, outdated names like ‘Filomeninah’ or ‘Gaudenciala’ are quite a mouthful; your child will be the laughing stock in school or at play.
Other wacky names like Cobra, Python or Undertaker should be left to the wrestlers, not unless you are training one in your living room. Names are personality determiners and carry more power than we think; let’s give our children the best ones possible.
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