| Could it be true that my daughter has strayed? | Send to a friend |
| Friday, 27 August 2010 15:48 |
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Hi, my wife and I have struggled to save money for our 21-year-old daughter to study in the US. My neighbour’s son who is also studying at the same university says my daughter has started bad behaviours like going out with boys and drinking alcohol. My wife and I are a bit shaken and worried. How do we know if it is true? We cannot afford to fly to the US. Should I call her back? Fernandez, Shinyanga Hi Fernandez, it is indeed a great challenge and sacrifice to send your daughter abroad for studies while you have financial constraints. It is also very important to make sure that she is making good use of this opportunity and make a bright future. Being miles away from her can be a cause of confusion and questions on what is actually going on there. No blind faith How can you be so sure that your neighbour’s son is 100 per cent true? People can make up stories for many reasons, others are just hearsay that turn into spiced up stories. There is no need to jump into conclusions and call your daughter back. You have sent her with great efforts and make the most of it. So for now, just keep it as a possibility that whatever you have heard is true. Find a reliable source You can get some information from the university authorities. Call her head of department and express your concern clearly. I believe you can get a lot of information from there. Does she attend classes regularly? How well is she fairing and what kind of progress is she making in her studies? Her sincerity will clearly reflect in her academics. Be informed It is not enough to just send your child to some well-known university. You also need to keep track of what she is doing with the gift that you have given her. By now she would have at least passed one semester. Have you read any of her grade reports? Are you well informed about her projects, her exams, and so on. You must regularly ask her so that she updates you. She must send you her reports and academic results either by email or by post so that you have complete proof and information. You must also know about her circle of friends, her social life and out of college activities. Ask her directly. Show your concern in a friendly casual way. Take other social support If you are in contact with any of her close friends here or abroad, it is a good means for you to connect with your daughter. Often friends know more than what parents do! Track with a trick You have said that you cannot afford a trip abroad. Yet, casually mention to her that you are visiting her in the few coming weeks and that you are very excited about it. If she does not react with happiness and thrill, then something could be seriously going wrong. Confront her Talk to her directly - Do not tell her from where you have heard but sharply mention that you have heard this and that and you are seriously concerned. She must know that you are still the parent and that you would cancel her studies and call her back if her behaviour is inappropriate and if it continues. Very precisely, tell her what your expectations are and what will be your reaction to her misdeeds if any. Hand in hand, also assure her that you are around to support her in times of trouble as long as she is honest and genuine. Demark the distance Do not let the physical distance affect your emotional bond. Talk to her about her difficulties and how she feels. Ask her where she sees herself from then on. Do not limit your thinking over your lack of money. Insist on having weekly audio and video chats by using free chat centers like Skype and Gmail. Your decision to call her back may be wise, but base it on solid proof. Try your best to remedy the situation with support of her friends and teachers. Good Luck. Rima Desai This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites           |
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