Hi, I am a mother of three girls aged between four and nine. My main concern is that lately, I have found out that the eldest daughter is turning into a petty thief. She picks things at home and even from friends. This worries me a lot. Worried Mum.

Stealing, at different stages of growth, has different meanings for the child. But if it’s a recurrent behaviour, then the cause should be identified. Parents often find that their children turn up with things that don’t belong to them. A parent’s instinctive reaction is to give the child a good dressing down so as to nip his career as a petty thief in the making.

To decide that a child is stealing is a moral judgement that parents tend to be trigger-happy about. The fact is that parents cannot apply adult standards of discipline, self-control and morality to the actions of little children.
Small children aged from one to three years occasionally do take things that don’t belong to them, but their intention is not to steal.

They still have to develop the concepts of ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ so when they see something they like, they feel it’s all right to take it. Young children may also take things as part of their search for an identity. For instance, a child may take his father’s watch or his elder brother’s favourite video game just because it gives him a sense of belonging. It is not the object in itself that attracts him.

He feels that by having something that belongs to his father or brother in some way makes him like them. He has not considered the right and wrong of taking these things.

However, even then you should walk a fine line between discipline and humiliation. It doesn’t help to make a big issue and treat the child as if he has committed a major offence.

This will only serve to frighten the child and put his back up. If you are absolutely sure that your child has stolen something, he must inform the child that he is aware that the object does not belong to her/ him.

Parents also need to clarify the difference between stealing and borrowing. They must explain to their children that they need to ask the other person before taking any of their belongings.

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