A CHAT FROM LONDON: Louise, her cruel stepmother and a story of forgiveness

What you need to know:

The brilliant narrative was about a 50 year old woman who suffered an extremely torturous childhood.

Last week I read an article by correspondent Frances Hardy. I did not anticipate finishing the amazing double-page piece in London’s Daily Mail. It was late, I was tired; about to go to bed but, kept on to the end and lo and behold, magic....

The brilliant narrative was about a 50 year old woman who suffered an extremely torturous childhood. Torturous, yes. You hear such tales and wonder: what is in the horrible minds of us humans?

One evil video is currently circulating on Facebook Messenger. The language spoken is English Patois from probably one of the Caribbean islands. A less than seven-year-old child is being whipped (with a belt), to hell. The sadism goes on for at least six minutes. The woman is lashing this poor girl, pinching her ears, shaking the head, hitting it with fists, pulling her hair, probably her own daughter (as another older child films while a baby can be heard crying chillingly from a nearby bed).

But, this is a monster!

Unfortunately, these incidents happen all the time.

Like what journalist Frances Hardy was describing.

Louise was born in 1968 to a teenage mother. Those days, pregnant European girls (like in parts of our Africa right now) were treated like insects. Worse. At least an insect is wiped off. Forgotten. Louise’s youthful mum was relieved of the baby. Louise was handed to foster parents.

Globally, we have incidents of cruel stepparents and foster parents. In Swahili Wazazi wa Kambo is synonymous with the worst nightmare. I know a Tanzanian chap, now in his fifties (married and a father), whose childhood with a stepmother, included him being sexually molested by a male in “the family.”

Everyone knows such tales.

Louise, in other words, jumped from the frying pan and into the fire. A nightmare stepmother, called Barbara.

Frances Hardy quotes her ordeal:

“The terrifying bit was the anticipation; trying to read Barbara’s face, to gouge her mood. I’d look for clues in the sound she made as she walked upstairs. I’d watch every muscle to try to predict whether I would be whacked or ignored.”

Psychological torture.

Those who have been around a sadistic powerful person (boss, teacher, etc) understand the unspoken language of terror. Louise would urinate in her bed from fear. Once she was left alone in the woods, at dusk. Luckily, she was picked up by two female strangers and taken home to her tormentor. There is another brutal incident. An attempted rape during early teens. She nonetheless escaped because her dog bit the man’s leg. Escaped? Oh no. Barbara the stepmother took her precious animal to the veterinarian and had it killed.

Legally.

We cannot copy and paste the whole report, as it will be plagiarism. Good news is, Louise Allen, has just released a book, Thrown Away Child, published last month by Simon and Schuster.

Ms Allen’s aim is to throw light on the fostered and orphan’s world.

What else?

Later in life Louise Allen did not harbour grudges against the cold hearted stepmother, who had apparently suffered abuse as a child and consequently, mentally ill. Taking care of her in old age, she claims hatred was useless.

She has built her own life, studied art, and is now happily married with lovely children. Journalist Hardy reminds us this lady is a very friendly, emphatic person. In other words despite being horribly treated, she is not bitter, nor vindictive (i.e. wanting revenge).

There are various angles to this sad and happy ending story.

Out of the madness, Louise wants her book to shed light on how the “system of adoption” might go wrong.

Some readers of this column might know someone or similar feats. We need stories to be published and told. We Africans, especially, do not have a habit of documenting our lives, and telling episodes that have caused extreme discomfort.

Pity.

Another angle is forgiveness.

The Bible says in Luke 6: 35: “...Love your enemies, do well to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back...”

Religious matters aside, what exactly does giving achieve?

Psychologists believe it is “a road” to self recovery. Not a solution...

In 2014, American scholar Dr Thomas G Plante gave seven rules of forgiveness. Number one: forgiving does not mean forgetting.

Number two: forgiveness is not about belittling a bad experience, three; forgiving is not a weakness, and four: the other person might not admit they were wrong, so you do not depend on their opinion. Five and six: your process of recovery results in self healing and moving on. Lastly: to let off anger and resentment allows the body to physically surpass health traumas.

Oh, there is a very high profile, historical case.

The Truth and Reconciliation process in South Africa, in the 1990s.