By Sharifa Kalokola

While they say it should be “happily ever after” once you tie the knot, many couples have had to come to the sad realisation that there are always two sides to a coin. Apparently, marriage is full of drama-most, not so good.

It is from this pessimistic angle that as a contemporary young woman in Tanzania, I advocate for marital life to be approached with caution.

For some women, getting married has somehow come to equal buying a ticket to live in hell while on earth. Wife battery incidences are on the rise and research shows that in rural Tanzania, domestic violence against women is common place.  

Only recently, a man in Kagera stabbed his wife to death because she had cooked too much food. What is even more astonishing is that, in Dar es Salaam where people are considered more learned, another man is reported to have killed his wife before taking his own life and leaving three orphans behind. Such incidences no doubt border on the insane and should not be condoned.

Statistics in the year 2000 from a study by Tanzanian women journalists indicates that 528 women had been killed in the previous five years from attacks by their husbands. 144 of these women had been beaten to death due to altercations following excessive drinking. The other 384 were killed despite restricting court orders.

In a recent study by the World Health Organisation (WHO) on women’s health and domestic violence, Tanzania also recorded very high rates of domestic violence. It was revealed that approximately 48% of Tanzanian women report they have experienced violence in their lifetime. Shockingly, 56% of the women interviewed for this study considered violence to be a normal part of their lives.

The study also demonstrated that women in Tanzania currently take very little action to address the domestic violence situations they face; about one-third of the women who had experienced domestic violence had told no one of their experience while 60% of all women still experiencing violence have  never gone for help from any formal service or authority. 

 

The majority of women claim they remain in violent relationships because leaving would mean losing their homes, acquired property and even their children. Staying in a marriage that is abusive is however too great a calling for anyone. Nobody should feel obliged to do so at any cost. It is also up to women to realise when their fundamental human rights are being abused and speak up. 

There is a ray of hope today as more and more women are being enlightened and empowered through education. This is however not enough, for men must also show willingness to shun retrogressive cultural practices that deride women. 

It is heart wrenching that the expectation of marriage to be a happy institution has faded out from the memories of many victims of domestic violence. A lot needs to be done to shatter this image since not all marriages are nightmares. Marriage is about sharing and not compromising your self-esteem along with your life. For those who respect each other, they are wonderful unions and people in turn live in harmony. Relationship experts profess that communication is the key to a successful marriage.  

In the meantime, cases of domestic violence need to be looked into and ways found to curb the trend. Otherwise, the world is going to be full of single parents and less family units yet they are the building blocks of society