Dear Uncle Jaykesh: My name is Josephine. There is this guy who has shown a lot of interest in me. I have grown to love him but he is married. He wants me to be his second wife and I have consented though I am really confused. I don’t know whether it is right or wrong thing to do. I don’t want to lose him. Please advise me. 

 

Dear Josephine: Being a second wife has its good and bad side. He may have agreed for you to be his second wife but understand that he will have to split his attention between you and his wife. You will need to know how to cope with the division. Secondly, does his first wife know about you or not. If not, he might not be serious. Still, you have to accept that she might not like you interfering in her family and being her co-wife.

 

Thirdly, you both need to look at the future as three people. That is the real riddle. If you think you are ready to face the challenges, then go ahead and be second wife. 

Has my boyfriend lost interest?

Dear Uncle Jaykesh: 

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now. I am 25 and he is 27. I love him very much because he was my first in everything. My family too likes him. But he is very moody sometimes and we constantly have arguments because one of his friends calls him all the time, to go out. He has gone out a couple of times without letting me know already. I try to get him to do things with me but he always has excuses.

 

 Sometimes, he is affectionate but most times he tells me I am repulsive. He claims he is just joking but I sense he is serious. I feel that he has lost the interest in me. Please save my relationship. 

Rita, Dar es Salaam

 

Dear Rita: Face him and tell him with all sincerity that you don't want to be called repulsive even if he thinks it is a joke. Tell him it is hurtful to you and makes you doubt his love. 

But though he should inform you when he is going out, don’t want to be too stringent not to allow him free time with his friends. 

 

He should also create some time to be with you. Try to talk all this things over with him. Set a goal of the next six months and see if you and he can turn around your relationship. If you can't then it is time for to think of splitting. He should show respect and concern if he is to be your life partner. Goodluck

 

Tip for you: Learn to respect and love each other if you are intending to tie the knot. You have the future ahead of you and a lot of unseen hurdles but if your intentions are solid then you are sure that you will have a clear bright love and a happier future. Learn to listen and understand your partner, give your unbound attention to little needs that you think are not important. 

Regards JAYKESH