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Roohina Doloo
RISE AND RAISE
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Anger is one of the most common and destructive delusions, and it afflicts our mind almost every day.To solve the problem of anger we first need to recognise the anger within our mind, acknowledge how it harms both our self and others, and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of difficulties.
We then need to apply practical methods in our daily life to reduce our anger and finally to prevent it from mounting at all. In reality most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are – in which case it is patient acceptance, rather than attempting to change externals, that is the solution. For example, many of our relationship problems arise because we do not accept our partner as he or she is. In these cases the solution is not to change our partner into what we would like him to be, but to accept him fully as he is.
There are many levels of acceptance. Perhaps we already tried to tolerate our partner’s shortcomings, refrain from criticizing him or her, and go along with his wishes most of the time; but have we in the depths of our heart given up judging them?
Are we completely free from resentment and apportioning blame? Is there not still a subtle thought that they ought to be different from the way they are?
True patience involves letting go of all these thoughts. Once we fully accept other people as they are without the slightest judgment or reservation – as all the enlightened beings accept us – then there is no basis for problems in our relations with others.
Problems do not exist outside our mind, so when we stop seeing other people as problems they stop being problems.
The person who is a problem to a non-accepting mind does not exist in the calm, clear space of patient acceptance. Patient acceptance not only helps us, it also helps those with whom we are patient. Being accepted feels very different to being judged.
When someone feels judged they automatically become tight and defensive, but when they feel accepted they can relax, and this allows their good qualities to come to the surface. Patience always solves our inner problems, but often it solves problems between people as well.
For those who have a tough time controlling their anger, an anger management plan might help. Think of this as your emotional control class, and try these self-help anger management tips: Ask yourself thefollowing questions: Is my anger necessary enough and is the issue worthwhile? Chances are you will see things from a calmer perspective.
Is it going to help you or others in any way? Because the anger is going to affect you physically, as well as in your relationship with others who get affected by anger. Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Come on, admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too... sometimes by accident. Do you get angry at yourself?
“Did that person do this to me on purpose?” in many cases, you will see that they were just careless or in a rush, and really did not mean any harm.
Ask yourself about the anger inducing issue, situation and event : Is there any alternate way to take the situation or event?
“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either one of them,” -Wayne Dyer.
Roohina Doloo is a networker, motivational speaker and a Social worker based in Tanga
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