GENDER TALK: She borrows and refuses to pay back my money
She borrows money from me and never pays it back. She says it is borrowing but unlike my other borrowers, she does not pay back. And yet she has a job which deposits a good amount on her account every beginning of month, like clockwork. The first time she asked me to lend her money, I was caught off guard. Tentatively, I asked “how much”, expecting it to be a large amount, something that was out of her monthly budget. But then she surprised me by asking for Shs50,000 only. I asked when she would pay it back, to which she answered “as soon as possible.” I gave her the money.
Soon did not come. Instead, she came back asking me to lend her more money. I reminded her about the first loan which she had not paid but with a smile, she assured me that all would be cleared at the very first opportunity. I assumed this meant the next time she got paid, which was less than two weeks away.
Empty promises
Again, she wanted about Shs50,000, which I gave her. Come beginning of month, she did not talk about paying back. My friends laughed at me when I asked why she was borrowing my money and never paying me back.
Because it was not the first time she was borrowing money from me. While I did not mind helping her out once in a while, when words like ‘borrow’ are used, one cannot help but expect, even if in the smallest possibility, to be paid back.
Giving it to her
So, the next time she talked of borrowing, I told her I was giving it to her. And that all the other ‘loans; had been canceled, it was pointless to pretend I was lending to her yet we both knew that was not the case. For some reason, this did not sit well with her. Which sent me again in search for clarification, this time to another girl, a workmate.
I explained my situation to this workmate who laughed and told me that infact, my girl has all intentions of paying back. Apparently, it makes her feel better about herself than just ‘getting money from me’.
So I asked, why, if she has all intentions of paying back, she does not, yet she earns a good salary?
Always hard to pay loans
My workmate could not explain this to me and started saying things like ‘you know.....’, ‘it is always hard to pay back loans, especially when you know you do not have to’.
Imagine a statement like that.
I suspected my workmate does the same thing to her man. That statement, ’especially when you know you do not have to’ is not right. If you are borrowing, borrow properly and pay back.
If a friend, a man, however close he is, asked to borrow money from me, he would have to pay it back. Yet if he asked me to help him out, I still would, and not expect him to pay back.
Call me stingy or whatever, but the next time she comes to ‘borrow’, I will ask her to give me something for security. Like that new handbag that appeared the day she was supposed to repay my loans.
Never lend money to family or friends
A loan to a friend or family member often results in the loss of both the money and the relationship.
In fact, loans between family members or friends can result in an entirely unexpected set of problems.
If you must lend money to a family member or friend, provide them with a timeline and a schedule for repaying the loan. The timeline provides a final deadline for total repayment of the loan and the schedule provides them with guidelines for making monthly payments. For example, “John, I’m happy to lend this money to you, but I’ll need the money repaid by December 31st. If you can pay me Sh100,000 every month, the loan will be paid off by the end of December.” (NMG and agencies)
