CANDID TALK: When ‘Mr Muscles’ kills my weekend fun
I have often wondered whether to blame my parents’ genes or the gods of Lake Victoria for having been born a lanky piece of bones that I am. Indeed, going by physique, you’d think that I am a crossbreed between a mosquito and a Drosophila melanogaster, some two insects my biology teacher always preached about. Mama says that I was hardly 2 kg when I came out into the world crazily kicking, yelling and clawing at the air like all newborns do. Those of you who have seen me understand what I am talking about. I resemble Mr Henry, the skeleton that graced our school biology lab with its presence. That is why I dress in everything oversize except my knickers and shoes.
Recently, my lanky body almost sent me to meet St Peter at the pearly gates of heaven. You see, men just like women are very conscious of their bodies. Women worry themselves to death about their skin complexion and shape. African women worry about thinness. A curvy African woman is considered food for the gods. Similarly, a man who looks like he lives in a gym makes women sigh! Women, men with their sinew bursting their skins. Last weekend, my one-and-only Bisho Ntongo offered to treat me to a beach trip, fully paid and all that. Whatever had sparked the emotion is beyond my understanding, for women are quicksilver in nature. To relive the good old days when we had good time on the shores of Lake Victoria before she became mine, I had to jump to the offer.
Details of how we got to Kigamboni are immaterial here but when I got there, the air was charged with excitement as people of all walks of life were having fun. Some were playing volleyball, others swimming in the deep sea, some like me, whose fear of water is immense, were splashing water in the shallow shores.
I was reverently communing with can of beer reminiscing of how we had good time on the shores of Lake Victoria some ten years back. I was dressed in baggy shorts and my ribs stuck out like branches of a tree. On the other hand Bisho Ntongo looked quite appealing in her swim suit (women from the lake side have shapely legs). A dude with really good looking girl came and sat some distance away from us. Wow! The guy was all muscles. He looked like one who spends his entire life in the gym. I looked at my own skinny body and disappointed. This guy paraded himself like a peacock and I swear that all women were lustfully staring at him like the Greek sex god. I think I even heard my own Bisho Ntongo gasp!
