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For men whose marriages have ‘died’

Saturday June 12 2021
Marriage pic
By Josaya Wasonga

“My marriage is dead. Where do I go from here?”

That’s the question a friend recently posed. I don’t have a particular answer. But I have several tips which, I hope, will help him (and others likehim) to navigate these treacherous waters.


Don’t revenge

She may have hurt you. She may have left you for dead physically, financially and emotionally. But never take the law into your own hands.

In fact, don’t even utter vengeance or curses. Instead, pray for her blessings.

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The best type of revenge is to “upgrade” yourself. And as someone once sagely remarked; “you can’t get ahead while you’re trying to get even”.


Do better

Do a self-evaluation. If you’re the one who was in the wrong, do better. If it was her, do better next time round - in your choice for a spouse - because you’ve now been schooled. Life’s a school. Pay attention lest you repeat the same class.

Sometimes doing better entails being a 2.0 version of your former self, and living happily single with this better version.


Cry, baby, cry...

Don’t be ashamed to cry. That’s what tear glands are for. Don’t listen to folks who say that a grown man isn’t supposed to cry.

Crying releases pent-up emotions - and harnesses the process of healing.


Forgive and forge forward

Look. God knows that, for humans, it’s almost impossible to forgive and forget. He asked you to forgive. That’s the only burden He’s placed on you.

Once you’ve forgiven, go on with your life. Don’t flog yourself if, after forgiving, you keep remembering what was done to you, and you think you’re a bad person because you’re unable to forget.


Take a break and a breather

Don’t rebound. Don’t jump into another relationship, until you know that you’ve fully healed.

Give yourself as much as you need to heal. In fact, you can give yourself all the time in the world.

Watch your weight. Watch your mental health. Hit the gym. Jog. Talk to a counsellor or a trusted friend.