Dealing with pain as a strong woman out there

Is it me or have crimes of passion become a norm nowadays? Not a week goes by without news of someone somewhere taking his/her own life because of love or doing something very horrific to someone who betrayed them. Yesterday I watched the news where a woman drugged her husband then went on to hammer a nail into his head aiming for the brainstem, killing him instantly. I have no idea what would drive someone to do such a thing but it’s been reported that the man was cheating on her.

I understand that it can be overwhelming to be cheated on, dumped, or not have your feelings reciprocated, and trying to figure out the reason things did not work out—Did I text too frequently? Was I too needy? Am I not beautiful enough? Does he think my dreams are stupid?—can be hard. Some people drink tequila and show up at their ex’s doorstep demanding answers about why things didn’t work out, others burn their exes’ clothes or smash their tyres. Others go on a digital rampage, abusing and shaming their ex on social media. Is there a better way to cope? Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to disregard the pain or rejection or being cheated on- I have been there too. I was cheated on and I went on a drinking spree to the point of being hospitalized. And at that moment, I was at my lowest low and realized I was only hurting myself. It took me a while but I finally to get in control of my emotions and deal with the infidelity in a healthy way.

Your feelings of betrayal, shock, grief, and devastation are painful, heavy and totally justified but it’s important that you go through them in a way that is healthy and not harmful to you or others. Don’t be a slave to your feelings and emotions- acting on a whim just because you are hurt or angry. Can you imagine what the woman who killed her husband for infidelity is going through right now? Not only is she facing murder charges, her kids will grow up like orphans. All because she could not control her emotions.

While time heals your wounds and the pain fades you need to deal with the emotions Now. One principle that I read from a book by Mark Manson called The subtle art of not giving f*ck which changed how I think of thing is to admit you are not special. Bad things happen to everyone and you are not an exception to the rule. Don’t take it too hard when people lie, cheat or mistreat you, just deal with it and move on.

Another thing is to allow your mind and heart to accept what just happened. Don’t be in a hurry to move on too fast because you won’t deal with the pain. Give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship even if you choose to stay with your boyfriend or husband, your relationship as you knew it is over- it has changed.

The other thing is to stop thinking that he is all you have! It is a lie that you have nothing but this man. It’s time to renew your self-worth- You have much more than that man. He is replaceable and does not deserve you. Try different ways to heal – such as self-improvement, write about your pain, talk to a counsellor, read books on how to get over being cheated on, and change how you see yourself. Remember you will be okay – this is not the end.