Dare to embrace vulnerability; it’s shame-worthy!

We are a greatly talented lot as the human tribe. We have so many gifts and we hold enormous potential of abilities to solve many of the problems that confront us. Think about the simple conversations where we have engaged earnestly and sincerely, we often discover that we have amazing insight into what ails us and importantly we know exactly what changes we need to bring to make things work right. Yet, time and time again we fail to bring those brilliant solutions to bear, we fail at unlocking the creativity and innovativeness needed to bring answers to the table. What makes this the case?

In my journey of searching for an answer to this question, I have come across many lessons. The most powerful one has come from fine research done by Dr Brene Brown. This critical work conducted over 12 years but really disseminated about six years ago, argues that we are limited by our fear of vulnerability. She encourages us to dare greatly and find the courage to embrace vulnerability and imperfection.

Lets unpack this for a moment. What does fear of vulnerability mean in practical terms? These are few examples of what it means for me;

1. It means shame. Feeling shame because somehow we feel unworthy. Unworthy of attention, unworthy of recognition or attention or a promotion etc, blame.

2. It means that every time a great idea or a solution to a problem forms, the fear of being seen as foolish, or the idea being seen as too different, too frivolous or too radical, or too naïve stops us from sharing that idea.

3. It means that whenever we are confronted with a situation where we need to speak up against behaviors that are not respectful or acceptable we stop ourselves because we do not wish to be seen as difficult or trouble makers, or rebellious or negative, or whatever labels our particular institutions may have for those that speak truth to power.

4. It means that, even if we have dared to share our innovation we are afraid that it may fall flat on its face and expose us to a lifetime of ridicule that could mean the end of a career.

5. It is the voice that overwhelms us when we have produced great pieces of work that then goes ignored or rubbished because the culture we have perpetuated only condones great ideas from the top of the pyramid and certainly not from the shop floor.

It means many things to many of us in different ways, but I am certain that we can all identify with that paralyzing feeling of being afraid to seen as nothing short of perfect. The nakedness that failure, rejection, not being good enough potentially exposes us to, is debilitating and many times over we choose to forgo our best ideas, our best outputs, our best talents than risk the negative feelings. We choose to remain safe. We find ways to completely ignore and numb the fear, we refuse to engage with the uncomfortable feelings, we escape and find alternative ways (for some addictions) of coping with the problems we face.

Imagine how different it might be if we learnt to embrace the ‘ugly’ feelings that come with being vulnerable? Dr. Brown argues and rightly so that we live in a deeply vulnerable world. An imperfect world where so many things go wrong all the time. We would massively benefit from embracing the idea that it is okay to be vulnerable; it is okay to be imperfect.

In this wonderful and highly important work, Dr Brown shares gems that could help us in the path of embracing vulnerability. Some of the wisdom revolves around these three ideas;

1. Institutions must endeavor to support leaders who dare greatly through facilitating honest conversations about shame and help to build different cultures.

2. Seek to figure out in which ways shame maybe functioning in the institution and engage our colleagues about it.

3. Finding ways to normalize a no – shaming culture is critical to building an environment that encourages colleagues to embrace vulnerability.

None of the proposed ways to help us deal with this phenomenon are easy, in fact they are deeply challenging because conversations about vulnerability and shame are disruptive. They force us to focus on dark corners of ourselves that we do not wish to have a spot light on.

However, it is truly worth embracing a no – shaming culture because it opens up limitless possibilities. In the marketplace of our time, what better competitive advantage can we find than one that unlocks the full potential of all the talent in and around us that lies in deep slumber, untapped, unutilized, unrecognized, unrefined, latent.

Imagine the opportunities we lose? Now, that is shame worthy!