CANDID TALK : Hussein the wag must quit blaming the devil

Shwaitan, alias the devil alias Satan is a very unhappy fellow. Not that I have any liking for this malevolent being but if truth be said, he takes blames for things he shouldn’t. Every time human beings engage in their folly and get themselves in the thick of it, the devil becomes the scapegoat.

In Uswaz, when inexplicable things happen, we blame the devil – “Shetani alinipitia” we would say even when we are literally caught with our pants down. Hussein the Uswaz wag is one such bloke who is always in trouble, not only with the cops at Uswaz Police Post, but even with his neighbours over this or that.

People have warned him severally not to be invoking the devil even when he well knows that he is a culprit but all this falls in deaf ears. In his last mischief at Mzee Shirima’s Bar and Guesthouse, the devil could not have possible been the reason for his woes. He asked for it and got it.

You see, Hussein the wag has this insatiable craving for women that leaves him desperately hanging on crevices of self-imposed dilemmas. They say that agony is when a man with one hand hangs on a cliff and has an itch on his crotch. Poor Hussein is such an analogy.

Last week, he and Tatu, customers’ favourite barmaid after having swallowed one-too-many found themselves inside one of the rooms doing what they shouldn’t have been doing. According to Kibajaj (the wiry barmaid named so for hoisting heaviest of men), the duo vanished into the rooms after the bar was closed after midnight. Drunk like skunks, they had thrown all cautions to the four winds and walked in hand in hand. Trouble started when the Uswaz “fishermen” did their thing. In case you do not know these fishermen, let me clear the air for you. They are blokes who roam the night with hooks that they use to “fish” wallets, smart phones and other valuables while their owners snore away in their sleep. This time around, they fished Hussein’s trousers, IDs, wallet and the smart phone he has been showing around.

Come next morning, Hussein woke up next to Tatu minus his pair of trousers and other valuables. Now, the dilemma remained who would loan him a trouser or how he would go home in his torn boxers in broad daylight. He is blaming the devil for it!