In retrospect: why Single Women date married men

Tuesday September 22 2020


By Peace Kadondi.

Every time we are out with friends, there is one observation that we often make. That of single women who are taken up by married men. And with the ' nyumba ndogo', phenomenon on the increase, it's question well deserved.
Read the many agony aunts, and you will surely encounter sisters asking the dating- the taken-man question. Yet, the reply from everyone one including agony aunt-is keep off the hitched species.
Is this becoming an increasingly cavalier choice for single women? Monica Lewinsky did it with the then 'most powerful man in the world', Clinton and in Bongo it seems we are hot on her heels.
So, why do women do it?. There are those women who believe that married men are more sensitive and caring than the unhitched brothers.
 Often, these will be those that have had their heart broken severely, and believe the married lads are safe haven for their bruised hearts.
Then there are those who associate the taken brothers with a gate pass to the finer things in life. And the delusional one, who believes since they are in love with the man, he will leaves his wife for her. After all didn't he promise to leave the witch?, this of course turns out to be fiction.
But the one that fascinates me is neither of the above, it is the new crop of drop dead gorgeous, successful network a bit of luxury and with a social network to boost single woman who chooses to date a hitched man.
Once upon a time referred as ' sister-dos' these women are not naive . They don't think or even hope, for that matter, that  these men will leaves their families for them. Money is too is no biggie.
So, if it's not financial and emotional, then why do these women date unavailable men?
Being in love is an alien term to these women. Call them the new era of women who are commitment-phobic. There is just no space in their lives for being touchy and feely.
A married man is perfect because he puts his emotions into his family but shares raw passions with her . So, whether they are having a romp or disagreeing about politics or the economy feeling are kept at the fence.
These women love a challenge. They are achievers. They are good at everything they do. So, for them, single men have ceased to ignite that magnet in them.
Married men get their tigress claws out. The more committed the men are to their relationships or marriages , the better.
I know of a woman who ditched her married lover after leaving his family. It's only sweet, when it's not yours she explained.
She needs to take something off limits, tame it and own it. And then discard it, if need be. This is where the satisfaction comes from.
Control is weird in their every move. She is accustomed to calling the shots. She will not be treated badly and will not let the man get away with not calling when he said he would or being late for the date. She understands that the time she has with the man is short.
So, time with her has to be well spent. She will not allow to be put off foe anything or anyone else. If the guy has any issue before he goes to see her, he had better leave that baggage at the door .
She does not expect anything less than the treatment that benefits a woman of her status. Patience is certainly not her virtue, so, any behavior that points in the direction of slacking will mean you are out.
She will not be domesticated. But, most of the time she'll have skills in the sack that will have a man sprung , he will keep coming back for more.
But, she understands the power of the game.
So, if she doesn't think a man is worth sacrificing for in to a union of some sort- where she has power over his wife and the man's property, she will know that she needs to run. After all, there will be always be other married men to be hunted.
Note: This article was first published in our print edition but never made it to the online platform