Love got everything to do with it

Wednesday September 30 2020


By Amanda Kaaya

The afternoon I met Kwame to finally break up with him is forever etched in my mind. I will remember every single detail of that day, the few people scattered around on the beach, what the waitress was wearing, the blueness of the sky and the fact that Kwame was an hour late.
 I was shocked at how haggard he looked. He had lost weight, and hadn't shaved in a week and his eyes were yellow and hollow.
I stared at him as he sat down across the table, under the shade of a palm tree and I thought to myself, "what have I done to this poor man?" of course, it was totally arrogant of me to assume that I was responsible for the state he was in. I mean, it didn't even cross my mind that he might have been ill, just as I had been.
But, I was right about having messed him big time. I admit that, I felt a strange sense of satisfaction that I'm thoroughly ashamed of.
But, isn't that normal to an extent? it's not that I was wishing him ill or liked seeing him that way, so pathetic and helpless.
He was a shell of the man I had fallen in love with for the second time in my life.
But, every woman knows that, if a man is totally unaffected by what you do or don't do then, something is very very wrong and he's probably in the relationship for all the wrong reasons.
 So, it is somehow reassuring to a woman when a man falls apart, even just a little bit, because of her. It is an indication that she matters in his life.
It sounds cruel cold and callous but, you know me, I like to keep it real.
That's not to say that I wasn't concerned, I was quite alarmed and deeply moved. I forgot all the things I was going to say to him. I had promised myself to be firm and business like, but all I could see was that my Kwame was suffering.
"So what did you want to talk to me about, Mandy?" he asked in a hoarse voice.
I had been rendered speechless by his appearance and I was not in control of the conversation. I really didn't know what to say but I started talking anyway.
"Kwame, we've had our share of great times together. Maybe all we were supposed to get was the one chance. This second time round hasn't really worked, has it?" I ventured.
It's my fault isn't it?  Things changed as soon as they got here. What changed for you Mandy? Is it that you think I don't want any more kids? I love kids! I want to have more especially if I'm going to have them with you"
At this point the man was getting very intense. I squinted at him and tried to remember the things that I had wanted to say to explain why I was calling it quits with him.
"Kwame, I have certain principles in my life, principles that I live by religiously one of them has to do with infidelity". I stopped and looked at him expecting a reaction, part of me believed he would start squirming in his seat, but he didn't.
"Yes?" he asked
"Well that's a good thing because so do I"
"I mean that I cannot be with someone who I know has been unfaithful in the past. I have no assurance, absolutely none!" I took a deep breath and said.
"Kwame , I know about the affairs you had when you were married to Sheila and she was pregnant with the twins".
There. It was finally out, I looked at him sharply, daring him to defend himself but he only looked confused, puzzled. Then, slightly amused. Then, he has a light bulb moment, then he was positively livid to the core.
The man exploded! It turns out Sheila had lied. Sheila whom I had defended and felt sorry for and was going to introduce to my gym instructor to help her loose some weight I believed was depressing her so much.
Then, I also got angry and exploded out. Our explosion collided and we both expressed our united outrage at Sheila. He revealed a lot about her that stunned me into seeing the complete picture. After we both cooled down we sat there looking at each other for a long while . Then, he asked, "Mandy, will you marry me?"
I said yes, Yes Instantly!