Dear men: What exactly is it that you really love?

We asked, you answered! There has always been a conversation over what Tanzanian men prioritise. The reigning top three being their girlfriend/spouse/partner, their barber and football.

To settle the dispute, we did a 3-day research both on the ground and online, and ladies, allow us to make one fact clear, girlfriends and wives are bottom of the list.

It is not unusual to see a man drive from Masaki to Gongo la Mboto just for a haircut, fuel and distance be damned or get home from girls’ night out and get home to a man in the worst of moods because Real Madrid lost a match.

For those of us who rely on our ever chaotic daladalas (public buses), it’s not uncommon to board one and find passengers in the middle of a heated argument because Yanga did a thing that Simba fans found incredibly offensive or vice versa.

The question to all Tanzanian brethren this week was: What has priority for them – football, their girlfriend or their barber?

Men are incredibly faithful to their football teams and their barbers but may not always hold so steadfast when an opportunity to step outside on their partner arises.

What hold do the two have that inspires such steadfast faithfulness from men?

However, a wrench was thrown into our research when on the ground, polls shifted and a majority of men placed their girlfriend, wives and romantic partners at the top of the list.

Our online polls closed at 65 percent in favour of football, 28 percent in favour of the barber and a measly 7 percent prioritised their girlfriends.

On the ground however, of the men we spoke to, 40 percent place their girlfriends as priority, 33 percent chose their barber and only 27 percent chose football.

The undying love for football

29-year-old John Kisunte, aka Msuva, says that he prefers football because it is his best channel for emotions.

"For me, football is an escape. It is a way to experience raw emotions, escape the mundane routine of everyday life, and be part of something greater than myself. While my girlfriend and barber may provide companionship and grooming, they don't offer the same adrenaline rush that football does," explains John, a Manchester City football club supporter.

John’s viewpoint represents a growing sentiment among those who believe that the emotional roller-coaster that football offers is unmatched by any other experience.

He says the excitement, drama, and sheer unpredictability of the game provide fans with an adrenaline rush that often surpasses the satisfaction derived from interpersonal relationships.

On his part, Jackson Bundara, 26, says football creates the bond of brotherhood.

"The camaraderie among football fans is unparalleled. When we gather at the stadium or at local pubs to watch a game, everyone becomes family. It's a bond like no other," says Jackson, a devoted Simba SC fan.

He says for him, football is not solely about the game itself but rather the chance to connect with fellow fans who share similar interests and passions. The sense of belonging, united under the colours of their beloved team, eclipses the bond he shares with his girlfriend and barber.

On the other hand, Adam Majuto says that he sees football as a catalyst for cultural identity.

"As a Tanzanian, supporting our local teams is not just about the game; it's about preserving our cultural heritage. When we cheer for Yanga or Azam FC, we uphold the values that define us as a community," says Adam, a follower of Azam FC.

Joseph Zephania, 51, says he prefers football as it is his release from responsibilities.

"When I watch football, I escape from the responsibilities and stresses of daily life. The world stops, and I can immerse myself in the game without any obligations or guilt," reveals Joseph, an ardent Liverpool FC fan.

A young married man and father on Instagram went as far as to warn us to “never compare football with foolish things”, arguing that it is one of the pure pleasures a man can indulge in.

Another dared to correct our poll options, in order of importance to being: football, barber, PlayStation and then, the girlfriend.

The unbreakable bond between men and their barbers

Joseph Dominick, a 32-year-old engineer, confesses his unwavering loyalty to his barber, Daniel. He explains: "When I'm at the barbershop, it's more than just getting a haircut; it's a therapeutic experience.”

He claims that Daniel understands his concerns, aspirations, and even his quirks. That, he [Daniel] pays close attention to his preferences, helping him maintain the perfect image he envisions for himself.

He continues: "When Daniel first became my barber, I realised he had an innate ability to understand my ever-changing style needs.

He reveals that Daniel has been cutting his hair for the past five years, and he owes his impeccable appearance to his [Daniel’s] skilful hands.

Furthermore, Andrew Kimaro, a 40-year-old entrepreneur, offers another perspective that barbershops are like sanctuaries for men, providing a space to unwind, engage in lively discussions, and share our deepest concerns.

“Our barbers become our confidants, offering unbiased advice without judgment. It's difficult to find such reliable companionship elsewhere," he explains.

For instance, he says that his barber, Brian, has been privy to many of his secrets over the years.

“He has listened to me vent, share stories about my personal life, and offered valuable advice when I faced dilemmas. Our bond extends far beyond mere hairstyling,” he notes.

On his part, Robert Tuzo, a 23-year-old student, claimed that barbershops foster a sense of belonging.

He describes that when he enters his barber's shop, there is an immediate sense of companionship. That, everyone there shares a common pursuit of grooming excellence.

“We bond through playful banter, debates, and discussions ranging from sports and politics to relationships. This sense of belonging is absent in my romantic relationship.

"I value the fellowship I find at the barbershop, where I can connect with people from diverse backgrounds. It's a place where I feel accepted, respected, and understood, reinforcing my loyalty to my barber,” he explains.

Fredrick Swai, 35, a secondary school teacher, says that his barber enhances his confidence.

"A visit to my barber not only elevates my appearance but also boosts my self-esteem. Looking polished and well-groomed gives me an extra dose of confidence, influencing my interactions throughout the day. My barber plays an integral role in shaping my professional and personal success, to be honest," he shares.

He went on to say his barber knows exactly how he likes his beard shaped and his hair cut. With his thorough attention to detail and skill, he has transformed his appearance, helping him display confidence in all aspects of life.

Emmanuel Msemwa, a 29-year-old graphic designer, says he prefers his barber just because barbers are artists.

"A skilled barber possesses a unique talent for creating masterpieces on our heads. Each haircut is a carefully crafted work of art that reflects our personality and style. It's awe-inspiring to witness their creative genius unfold, and that’s why you can’t compare them with the other two," he says.

He adds: "Matt, my barber, is like a Picasso with clippers. He sculpts my hair with precision and artistry, transforming it into a masterpiece. I walk out of his shop feeling like a walking canvas of self-expression.”

Online, one voter shared that the relationship between a barber and his client is borderline intimate as his barber has become his confidant and advisor on many things in his life.

“I have known this man for a little over 12 years now and he has been in the business for many years and has often seen and heard many things,” the man says, adding that his [the barber] experience and age have made him a great friend and advisor.

Partners are the highest priority

Goodluck Godbless, 39, an accountant in Dar es Salaam says that the value of having a romantic partner who offers unwavering support and companionship surpasses the thrill of any sporting event or the artistry of a skilled barber.

"Football and barbershops are temporal pleasures, but with a girlfriend, you have someone who supports you through thick and thin," he claims.

On top of that, Johnson Kimweri, 27, an information and technology expert shares that the emotional connection between partners can often surpass mere entertainment and physical appearances.

"My girlfriend provides a sense of emotional fulfilment that I can't find in football or even at the barbershop. She understands me in a way that no sport or fashionable haircut can," he reveals.

Ibrahim Fadhili, 41, a secondary school teacher believes that the ability to share unique experiences and create memories together is a crucial factor that sets a romantic relationship apart from indulging in football matches or routine haircuts.

"When I am with my girlfriend, we build memories that have little to do with football or grooming. The moments we spend together are unmatched compared to watching a game or sitting at a barbershop," he shares.

Mussa Mussa, 31, a food vendor in Sinza says that a girlfriend can play a pivotal role in motivating and supporting her partner's ambitions.

Mussa says excitedly: "The encouragement and belief my girlfriend has in my dreams make her more important to me than football or barbershops. She pushes me to pursue my goals, and that support is invaluable."

Habib Said, 24, a resident of Tabata says sometimes, the ability to communicate and connect beyond spoken words can elevate the significance of a relationship.

"The connection I have with my girlfriend is beyond what football or barbershops can provide. We communicate on a deeper level, and through that, we have created an unbreakable bond," he says.

Simion Fabian, 26, says a girlfriend can be a catalyst for personal growth, encouraging men to explore their emotions and become more well-rounded individuals.

"While football and a fresh haircut can make me feel good temporarily, my girlfriend challenges me to become a better person. She pushes my boundaries, helping me evolve into a more emotionally aware individual," he explains.

The women weigh in

As fun as this dialogue has been, the women weren’t left behind or shocked by these results. Online, many commented on the polls about their husband’s love of the game with one saying that he happens to have “a crazy love for football” and another joked that “she has made peace with the fact that she is the second love of his life after football.”

A few had the confidence to say that they were their partner’s priority and others vouched for their husbands’ barbers as priority.

At the end of it all, whatever is prioritised must serve a crucial purpose in our lives. The need for balance in our emotional and mental wellbeing is critical to helping us navigate the challenges of life.

We are aware of how many of our communities and cultures often heap responsibilities on men and more often than not, do not provide safe spaces for these men to unwind.

If there is anything we are learning now, as generations evolve and global issues become more pressing, the need for an outlet is more apparent than ever.

Bringing it closer to home, we are now living at a time in Tanzania where all at once, we have water shortages, electricity problems, sugar prices are through the roof, businesses are struggling because of the dollar shortage; and often, when the man gets home, he is expected to have a plan in place to fix these issues for his family.

If football is where you scream out your joy or sulk away at your frustration in the name of ‘your team lost’ or if your barber is the safe space you need to share sensitive issues and get advice, guard it for all it is worth.

If you also happen to have a partner who is able to create a space where you can be vulnerable and share your burdens, they you, sir, are one lucky man!