The thin line between flirting and harassment

He smiles at her, every chance he gets. Frequently checks on her via text and calls. Always wants to buy her lunch. Always checks her Whatsapp and Insta stories, religiously, yet stays lurking silently in the background of her multitudes of viewers list.

She smiles back. She is polite and nice… until she is not. She politely turns down one lunch, then another and to her relief, the lunch offers get lesser and lesser by the day.

Then it is once a week, until they stop altogether.

She’s so relieved. She was so concerned about how she would gently get this gentleman off her back. He is so many rungs above her pay grade and the reality of what turning this man down harshly could do to her job security is nothing but terrifying.

Silence. A week passes. And then another. And then a third one. Then he texts her and says how very deeply he misses her.

She replies “But you barely know me. How can you miss someone you barely know?” Deep down though, she means every ounce of that question but because she doesn’t want to come off as crass, she throws in a “lol” and a couple of laughing emojis to keep the mood light.

She then proceeds to do her best to turn him down and tells him that she does not fraternise or date colleagues and married men. He tries to make light of those responses, taunting her and finding her stance righteous.

“Are you trying to tell me you have never dated your boss? Or a married man? Not even as a favour?” Now, she’s raging mad. She politely tells him to take his narcissistic opinions and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine.

Next thing she knows, she is hearing a couple of very interesting stories about who she may or may not have fraternised with to get into her position.

Then the sad reality that she can’t really do much to reprimand him hit her and she is told to toughen it out. Women, especially career women, tend to bear the brunt of the situation.

It is never the man who crossed the line. It is usually the woman who may have seduced him. “Check how you smile at him when he talks to you” or “Did you really need to add that smiling emoji at the end?” and my personal favourite, “But you were always flipping your hair whenever he spoke to you.”

Now do not get me wrong. I have been my fair share of a flirt and on occasion, been called a serial flirt. I do not claim to be an angel.

However, where work and one’s career reputations are concerned, the line between flirting and harassment is so scarily thin that many organisations struggle to create proper governing policies and action plans.

It has been argued time and again that harassment is relative to each individual but I do believe the environment and work culture does play a significant role in defining the scopes of harassment.

Flirting vs harassment

Flirting or coquetry is a social and sexual behaviour involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, or if done playfully, for amusement.

However, harassment is unwelcome conduct that is based on race, colour, religion, sex (including sexual orientation, gender identity, or pregnancy), national origin, older age (beginning at age 40), disability, or genetic information (including family medical history).

In Tanzania, the National Environment Management Council (NEMC) defines harassment as unwelcome advances, requests for favours, or other conduct by way of words, acts, or comments that would embarrass, humiliate, intimidate, demean or compromise a reasonable person at whom such advances, requests or conduct were directed.

NEMC then further defines sexual harassment to being the imposition of sexual advances in the context of a relationship of unequal power.

Sexual harassment then becomes a continuous and consistent behaviour and pattern of conduct where an individual says, gestures or signs things that are or denote sexual behaviour and are sexually offensive.

According to Mr Paul Hamidu, a seasoned human resources personnel, these offenses could be unwanted advances, demeaning sexual remarks and jokes, suggestive body language and unwanted media such as photographs or videos.

He also explains that occasional compliments that are socially and culturally acceptable and appropriate are not considered sexual harassment. Any interaction of a sexual nature which is consensual (except for those prohibited by the law such as paedophilia), welcome or reciprocated is not considered sexual harassment.

According to the International Labour Organization (ILO), harassment in the workplace displays itself in three major ways: physical, verbal and non-verbal.

In whatever form harassment takes, it inevitably affects the working environment negatively, undermines gender equality at work, creates unfair practices in employment, and adversely impacts the dignity and well-being of workers.

It also creates psychological anxiety and stress for victims and if ignored, can result in high costs for companies through loss of productivity, low worker morale, absenteeism, and staff turnover.

Cultural and social conditioning of harassment

A very touchy area, culture and social setups in Tanzania are conditioned to take a lot of what should be addressed as sexual harassment, as playful and harmless banter.

In truth, this continuous nonchalant handling has resulted in deep-seated conditioning where instances that one cries out sexual harassment, the offender more often than not, plays the ‘I was just joking’ card instead of acknowledging the damage they may be inflicting.

The act of rationalising and excusing offensive sexual banter, subjective objectifying of an individual or an individual’s body part, even passing it off as a joke, inevitably creates feelings of insecurity, constant low self-esteem and leads to reduced productivity in the work place.

Addressing the boundaries at work

1. Policies – According to Paul, the foundation to addressing harassment in the workplace begins with creating the right policies. These policies do not just end at explaining what the issue is; rather they delve further into handling procedures as well as consequences to be expected.

2. Swift action – In the case that an individual has reported an incident of harassment, Paul advices that swift action is key. “When you report that you have been sexually harassed, the action taken does not always result in the termination of the offender. We try to counsel the individual to resolve the situation however, to avoid discomfort, the response needs to be as swift as possible,” says Paul.

Swift action also includes having penalties already set in place such that individuals at work are aware that each offence carries certain punishment and the consequences of my potential actions could or will lead to a law suit, termination and in severe cases; incarceration.

3. Confidentiality – Employers should take every measure to ensure that sexual harassment complaints are investigated and handled in a confidential manner without exposing the identities of the parties involved.

Only the persons specifically appointed by the employer are entitled to handle such cases; the complainant, his/her representative, the alleged harasser, his/her representative, witnesses and interpreters (if required), are entitled to participate in the investigation process. Employers should disclose any information requested in preparation for the disciplinary enquiry.

“It is very important to protect the victim of harassment to avoid incidents where the victim is vilified for speaking out,” Paul explains. “When a case is reported, it is also important to record and document the issue as well as the actions and steps taken to better assist in future dealings should the need arise.”

Because of the nature of sensitivity of sexual harassment offences and the effect that they have on victims, handling matters in confidentiality also goes a long way in creating safer environments where people are able to speak out, seek help and counselling where need be.

4. Regular training – According to the ILO, regular training sessions on sexual harassment should be conducted for all staff members, including managers, supervisors and workers. The purpose of this training is to raise awareness on what constitutes of sexual harassment; provide details of the company’s sexual harassment policy; and provide updates on any changes which may have been made to it.

Managers and supervisors should also be specifically trained to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour, in order to effectively carry out their role in ensuring that the workplace is free from sexual harassment.

Those identified in the policy as having responsibility for handling complaints should receive special in-depth training on how to prevent and address sexual harassment. Depending on the type of training being conducted, and the number of staff members involved, sessions may vary from a few hours to an entire day.

Once policies are set in an organisation and other necessary steps are taken, it is also helpful to employ the following tactics to get everybody on board:

• The policy on sexual harassment should be officially launched at a full staff meeting.

• The policy should be endorsed by the chief executive officer or a senior management representative emphasizing that all staff are required to comply with it.

• The policy should be distributed to and signed by all staff, acknowledging that they have received and understood it.

• The policy should be placed on the company’s website and intranet.

• The policy should be included in induction manuals for new staff.

• The policy should be displayed on notice boards.

Although handling sexual harassment in the work place is challenging and uncomfortable, it is not impossible. With the changing patterns of behaviours and what accounts for sexual harassment in different societies, one thing remains constant; no organisation will stand without properly addressing sexual harassment in the workplace.