Why I chose to live a celibate lifestyle

People do not believe her when she tells them that she never married. “Never!” they ask her with a confused look. And when she reveals that it has been 40 years since she knew a man, eyebrows are raised. It isn’t until she tells them why, that they are left mouth-wide-open with a ‘yeah right’ look on their face. Esther Mwaipyana, 67, is an evangelist based in Dar es Salaam who has devoted her life to serving God.

“This wasn’t really my decision. I heard the voice of God,” she says, speaking softly. “It was as clear as day. He said: ‘Stop seeking that path (of marriage). I want you to serve me’. I obeyed my Lord,” she explains. Her slim body is strong for a woman her age. She walks quickly around the house and has a firm grip.

She recalls her childhood days having grown up in the Southern Highlands where her father worked as a teacher. Like other girls, she looked forward to her big day. She wanted to get married and have children. Then her family moved to Dar es Salaam where she took a secretarial course. Her father was working for the government in one of the ministries. Then it happened that she heard about Jesus in a Pentecostal church, and everything changed.

“I started working at the State House as a secretary in 1969 when Mwalimu was president. It was after a two- year course at the then Dar Technical College. The guy I was dating at the time when I accepted salvation was my second boyfriend. He wanted to marry me actually,” she recalls.

Making a hard decision

But when she found her new faith in 1974, her fiancée wasn’t willing to join her. They had been together for about a year. It devastated her, but left her with no choice. “I knew what I wanted. I wanted this new life. So I took back the gifts he had brought me from Europe – some expensive perfume and what not. I didn’t want anything to do with him, and I let him go,” she explains.

She was already in her prime years as a bachelorette. A 28 year-old and letting go of a man? It didn’t make sense to some close relatives, especially a particular aunt.

“I remember her summoning me, asking me why I wasn’t getting married as the years passing by. There was even another relative who wanted my father to beat me for being born again, but he wouldn’t do it. My parents never really questioned me as much,” she says.

Although it seemed like a stupid thing to do, it wasn’t so to Esther. She actually encouraged them that she would get married some day, even when she had already made the decision not to.

In her new faith, she still desired marriage for some time. She recalls one brother in faith who showed interest in her. He was a minister, like her; active in the things of God, like her; and devoted to building the Kingdom of God. He was perfect and God-sent.

“I believed that he was from God. I accepted him in my heart. It wasn’t a love based on his appearance or things; I had accepted him because I knew he was from God. But as a woman, I could not approach him. So I waited,” she says. But the waiting became long and her longing was never met. The brother didn’t make a move. Esther thinks her working at the State House might have scared him off.

“I think people told him that ‘this girl is a high class girl, don’t marry her’. Although he might have earned more than I did, I mean I was just a secretary at Ikulu, and that made me seem ‘unapproachable’, I think,” she explains. Later on, she heard that he got married. She decided to move on.

Obeying the voice of God

Esther says she doesn’t think that she has ever been in love. And this is why it wasn’t so hard for her to move on. “As a matter of fact, I don’t think I have ever really fallen in love. I believe that you only deeply love he who is chosen by God for you. I don’t think I have ever come to such a moment,” she says.

There are some men who approached her even after she found her new faith. She says she was able to discern that they weren’t the ones that God had chosen for her.

“I believe that it was never one-sided. If a man came to me and said that he had heard from God that I was to be his wife, I needed to hear this voice too. It wasn’t just about him approaching me,” she explains.

She cannot recall the exact year, but sometime in her early 30s, she heard the directive while in prayer. “How did I know it was God? He speaks to us all. We just don’t pay attention. And it is different for everyone. The way he speaks to me isn’t the way he would speak to someone else. For me, it is usually a still voice within me,” she says. Esther explains that it wasn’t easy to control her sexual desire at first, even after she ‘got saved’. But through a life of prayer, she managed.

It wasn’t until when she was in her 40s that she realised that the man she had loved had probably disobeyed God for not marrying her. In her Christian life, she would often revisit her relationships in prayer to see where she had erred. Then one day, God told her, she says, to forgive that man whom she had anticipated for marriage. “Why did God tell me to forgive him if he wasn’t at fault? I think he disobeyed God. I do,” she says.

But she has no regrets. She speaks of her God as if he was a lover who lived with her in one room. She smiles as she talks about his love for her. She confesses that Esther isn’t her birth name. “No, not at all. It happened one morning, God woke me up to pray. But I was too lazy that day; I didn’t want to get up. He called me, about three times. The last one was the loudest: Esther. Then I woke up and looked around, there was no one else in the room, just me. So I decided to remain his Esther,” she explains. Her birth name was Elizabeth.

Always had more than enough

Over the years, she has learnt to be disciplined and self-controlled. “I have come to understand that every sin is an outcome of a decision. Options present themselves before you and you are left with a choice to act or not. So when the thoughts of adultery came to mind, I would refuse to accept them. And I was always in constant prayer. Being in a state of prayer makes you live in a state where you are not led by your natural desires. It becomes a question of what occupies your mind,” she explains.

Moreover, she often gets resistance from men in what she does. “They say that a person who is not married cannot minister, especially a woman. I do not agree with them, I think most of them who make such claims are just jealous. It is through my path that I have learnt that God can use anyone, even me. He uses the weak to shame the wise. That is what he does,” she says.

She retired voluntarily in 1997 at the age of 50 and went on to work with NGOs until 2003. “There is a notion, especially in Africa, that a woman must marry for security reasons. Well, I have never really struggled financially. Actually, I think I have always had more than enough. If a married woman is cared for by her husband, I am cared for by God himself,” she says.

Although her womb never gave her children, Esther has lived her life to the fullest as a single woman. Her sister-in-law, Deodata Mwaipyana refers to her as being a peaceful woman.

“She cares for my children as her own,” she says.

When she looks back, Esther does not regret her decision.

“Even when I think of the man that I almost married, there is no sadness in me,” she says and adds: “This is what I tell single women, do not panic because you are not married. It is not the end of the world. You can do whatever you want to do, be whoever you want to be regardless of your marital status.”

In 2010 she received a diploma in theology from Oasis of Healing Bible Ministry in Dar es Salaam. And at 68 she just recently started door-to-door evangelism with prospects of starting her own church soon.

“My life is not over, until God calls me home,” she says with a smile.

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