How parents’ divorce shatters children’s academic dreams

It is all parents’ dream that their children will pursue higher education and get a good job afterwards. However, this is not always the case for children whose parents have divorced.

Divorce is one of the challenges that have been hitting society hard, affecting children in many ways, education included.

Although divorce may be a good option for some parents, what many never consider is how this division affects the country’s future workforce.

Angel*, 15, a Form Three student at Kitunda Secondary School in Dar es Salaam, admits her parents’ divorce led to her having an academic and psychological breakdown.

The student, who was in tears while speaking to Success recently, said she longs for her parents to get back together again. Since they separated when Angel was in sixth grade, her life has been full of challenges.

“They started with constant quarrels, arguing in front of us,” explains the girl, who now intends to use her education to prevent her younger siblings from becoming street children.

“I was hurt and even failed in my studies. When they divorced, the situation worsened as our father left home, leaving us with our mother. She became the sole breadwinner. She continued to take care of the family single-handedly,” says the fourth-born in a family of five children.

Angel narrates that her performance dropped drastically from sixth to 29th position in class.

Lucky for her, she received counselling through a school programme run by the Children’s Dignity Forum (CDF).

“After I started getting counseling and guidance I went back to my normal self and in the 2020 Form Two National Examinations, I got a first class division with a score of 8 points,” she says.

Angel explains that she has never received any support from her father since he left and that now the family depends on her mother’s income, earned through raising and selling chicken. She is concerned about students who are not as lucky to get counselling.

“It hurts a lot especially for children who are not fortunate enough to get counselors who in a special way have contributed to my being strong today…,” she shares.

Angel is not alone in her predicament. Phillip Amos, 14, was forced to drop out of school seven years ago when he was in Standard One, following his parents’ separation. His mother left Mara Region with him to Dar es Salaam.

“When we got here, my mother got a job as a domestic worker. However, she was not allowed to go to work with a child. She used to work from dawn to 10 o’clock at night,” explains Phillip.

He says his mother had to ask a friend to stay with her son, an arrangement that later turned out to be a tragedy for Phillip.

“My mother’s friend later told me she didn’t have money to feed me because my mother didn’t send her money. In the end my mother told me to look for my father because she wanted to worry about her own life first,” he explains.

When his mother contacted his father to ask him to send his son bus fare so he could join him, he declined saying he already had another family to take care of.

“The sufferings that I was going through made me take to the streets where, I started begging. I met other children with whom we started living here at the Ubungo bus stand,” explains the child who apparently appears to be abusing drugs.

Phillip does not know where his parents are at the moment, despite being ready to go back to school if he gets a chance.

“I go through a lot of suffering. My dream was to study to become an electrician but now many people see and chase me away alleging that I am a thief. I really admire going back to school…,” Philip, who looks dirty and hungry explains sadly.

Psychological torture

Parents’ separation, according to experts, has been a source of psychological trauma for children, resulting from witnessing their parents’ constant fights.

2020 statistics from the Registration, Insolvency and Trusteeship Agency (Rita), show that the agency registered 511 divorces across Tanzania, of which 221 are from Dar es Salaam alone. That number is an increase of 69 cases compared to 442 cases registered in 2019.

In this regard, psychologists say that for many children, their parents’ separation and divorce is a stressful time that leads to academic letdown.

Children’s social and emotional well-being, as well as learning can be affected for many years and it may be difficult for parents to provide the support their children need while they (parents) deal with their own stress.

Actors from the Children’s Dignity Forum who have been conducting reproductive health training for students admit that many students express how they are emotionally traumatised by quarrels between parents.

Celina Baragwiha, CDF’s communications officer, says in the case of violence, there are often unspoken things about mental health, as children go through many challenges such as depression, a condition that makes them unhappy in their childhood.

She says children are emotional and often feel bad about seeing parents quarrel or have endless differences, despite the fact that through this, the children are badly prepared to be the parents of tomorrow.

“Studies show the systems we are built in as children determine what kind of people we will become. Many children witness parents’ fights and so a large percentage of these children will repeat the same thing when they are with their partners,” explains Baragwiha.

Dr Ananilea Kusekwa, a psychologist based in Dar es Salaam says the effect of divorce on children can create emotional distress, which can lead to behavioural problems and a general disinterest in life thereafter.

Dr Kusekwa agrees that it is no doubt that divorce is tough on children, saying children whose parents are divorced have lower educational outcomes.

“This is no surprise since during a divorce a child may be asked to take sides, move and hear unseemly things about their parents. This can have a negative effect on their educational desires,” observes Dr Kusekwa.

She reveals that divorce can weigh heavily on a child’s mind following the painful experience they go through, which can leave them feeling lost, sad, depressed, and confused.

“On average, by age 13, children of divorced parents have a half-year difference in reading ability than children from intact families,” she says.

Striving to save a generation

Through its partnership with the Dutch Embassy in the country, Baragwiha says the CDF has been organising trainings for secondary school students with the aim of showing them the way and encouraging them to keep moving forward.

“It is true that this is dangerous for many children and that is why we are focused on strengthening these school-going children’s education and health knowledge,” says Baragwiha, whose organisation has been involved in restoring hope for Angel and others facing similar problems.

For his part, Michael Mujuni, a teacher at Oysterbay Secondary School in Dar es Salaam says in order to save a generation of victims, before divorce agreement children must be assured of safety and support.

“Divorce signatories must do so by keeping in mind the consequences on the children. Do not let the anger of two people destroy the nation’s future workforce. So, parents should assure their children of an education,” says the teacher.

He also calls on schools to strengthen counselling desks for students whose parents are divorced to help them recover psychologically.

“The school has a great opportunity to be the guardian of these children, especially considering that education is free. Desks must be set up to show these children the light despite being isolated from their parents,” he advises - warning that there is no child whose parents are on the streets.