DEAR DIARY: Be independent and pamper yourself

My girlfriends and I were in Zanzibar last weekend for Sauti za Busara. We booked the flight three weeks before and hooked up with a friend in the Isles who gladly let us stay in her house. It was hard to convince people (when they asked), that I was going to Zanzibar with girlfriends. Yes, it was the Valentine’s weekend and no, it wasn’t a romantic trip. 

I am a bit disturbed when people insinuate that women are incapable of life without men. That a woman can’t own a house unless there is a papa involved.

That she cannot have a six-figure salary unless she sleeps with her boss and that she can’t go to Zanzibar on a Valentine’s weekend unless she is going with a man who is paying for the whole trip. Really? No! The worst case is when women themselves have such depressing thoughts. 

Take yourself out woman. Buy your own dinner. Treat yourself kindly. Work hard. Buy shoes. Drink tea. Go swimming, read a book, write a book, spend a night at a Hotel by the beach, Dance, Prepare a tea party (I guess I love tea too much) - but you get the point -live life to the fullest. You can’t afford to wait a lifetime for a man to treat you well. If you don’t have a man, don’t wait for him. If you have a man, don’t wait for him. You have you, and that is enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we don’t need men. They are our fathers, our brothers, our neighbours, our lovers. They are part of the ecosystem. And it’s nice, really nice for a guy to treat you nicely – use sweet words, give you flowers and all that. But is nice necessary? Should life be on pause until a man comes along? Of course not! Snap out of that thought!

When we were at the airport on our way home, we had endless laughs. And then Jo showed us her ring, one of the memories she will keep of the Isles. Apparently, it wasn’t a real stone. Then Abby asked if any of us had ever owned gemstones - tanzanite, rubies or even gold or silver. None had ever owned a gemstone, only gold or silver at some point in life. And Jo pointed out that, “Most of us wait to get engaged to demand a Tanzanite ring from the guy”. Ouch. We all laughed because it was true.

So before we make it a rule, that he must Tanzanite your finger on your engagement, let him find you with a Tanzanite already embracing your finger.  And if he wants to find something else (more expensive) instead to engage you with, then that would be his choice.

Esther

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Twitter: @es_taa