Humans' hazardously radioactive relationship behaviours

What you need to know:

  • Being honest about yourself, your desires, and your past builds an unshakable trust bond with your spouse.

Radioactivity is the act of spontaneously emitting radiation. This is done by an atomic nucleus that, for some reason, is unstable; it "wants" to give up some energy to shift to a more stable configuration.

During the first half of the 20th century, much of modern physics was devoted to exploring why this happens, and by 1960, nuclear decay was fairly well understood. 

Radiation exposure can cause damage to tissue, skin burns, hair loss, internal organ failure, brain or thyroid cancer, death, and genetic damage.

Some principles and rules must be adhered to for an element to be stable; among them is the ionisation principle. In some cases, stability must involve the loss or gain of electrons to achieve a more stable electron configuration. What do you need to gain or lose to be stable in your relationship? Give up these behaviours:

Foul language: Our partnership is meant to be sweet and considerate. How do you react when things go wrong? Some remark: "You bitch." "This relationship will not last." "You call yourself a man?" "I'll slap you," "You're ugly," and so on.

Foul language can stem from manipulation, demeaning comments, accusations, blame, threats, criticism, and calling names. All these kill relationships.

Illicit relationships: These can take a heavy emotional toll on the individuals involved, leaving behind scars that may never fully heal. The confidentiality and deceit that surround such relationships often lead to feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and anxiety. Unfaithfulness is one of the leading causes of divorce and separation.

Dishonesty: What most people don't realise is that honesty makes the relationship grow. Being honest about yourself, your desires, and your past builds an unshakable trust bond with your spouse.

Silent treatment: Withdrawal and distancing are examples of a lack of cooperation with your spouse, which is detrimental to marriages. Do you do this in certain moments? Instead of communicating the problem with a partner, we sometimes shut them out and refuse to collaborate.

Declining a spouse to express needs and preventing a partner from expressing themselves or accessing our internal world is stonewalling. It leads to resentment, communication hurdles, emotional detachment, and other negative feelings that destroy the well-being of a relationship.

Nagging: The Wall Street Journal defines nagging as “the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it, and both become increasingly annoyed.”

Nagging contaminates a marriage and, over time, has the potential to end it. No one wants to feel like an irresponsible child. Nagging creates distance between lovers by removing trust while creating negative energy. When your spouse gets annoyed, try a different strategy.

Finally, we need to operate in a more stable relationship configuration: foul language, illicit relationships, silent treatment, dishonesty, and nagging will cause hazardous "radioactive" effects in our marriages. Instead, trust, love, loyalty, and faithfulness make relationships blossom and produce lasting fruit.

Amani Kyala is a counsellor, writer, and teacher, 0626 512 144