THE DIVA: If you’re itching for a relationship, go on a date

If you are an avid reader of my columns then you do know that I’ve been single for most of my 20s. I’ve done the “seeing someone” thing for a few weeks and a few months. I’ve had flings that stretch precisely from February 1 to Valentine’s Day just so am not alone during the lover’s day. I’ve had between two and four half-relationships, depending on how you count them. What I haven’t done is a lot of “dating” — going on dates with new people regularly. I used to blame my singledom on the fact that I have a demanding job and and/or my dismissive personality. The truth is: I’m lazy. If you don’t put yourself out there, it is quite literally impossible to meet someone other than your Seamless delivery person.

I feel like I have some perspective on dating now for a very strange reason — my friends share all their relationship issues with me so I vicariously date through them. I have seen all the happiness, madness and in-betweens that comes with relationships. I once took a dating hiatus for almost 2 years and enjoyed being on my own a bit too much. But then I caved in to societal pressure since I thought I was supposed to want a partner. I joined the dating pool with full speed, I even installed tinder, and went on a dating spree every week. I did meet some really excellent men. Some of them were extremely high-caliber when it comes to kindness and emotional availability and for the first time in a long time, I could see myself actually falling for someone.

I want to be incredibly clear about something: You don’t need a relationship to be happy. In fact, going on all of these dates taught me that you might actually be really happy as a single person, even if you complain about not having a partner. I realize that I was complaining about being single without doing anything about it — well, anything other than going on the occasional set-up dates organized by my friends. I would meet a nice person but at some point my independence (and fear of intimacy) came right back to rear their heads and say “NO! he has issues and I would self-sabotage because I am unsure about coupling up.

But that’s just me. I always hear people complain about being single but at the same time are too scared to go out and try other ways of dating like online, set ups or speed dating, If you really do want that dream partner in your life, you must take some sort of action. Your dream school, dream job, or dream apartment didn’t just fall into your lap. So why would your dream relationship? If you want that, you need to put in the work.

One simple way to put yourself out there is to download dating apps and start swiping. Even if you’ve always fantasized about the perfect meet-up in which a prince sweeps you off your feet at a ball or casually bumps you into at a coffee shop let it go. Lasting relationships can stem from any beginning.

If dating apps aren’t your thing, that’s fine (but I’d highly recommend giving them another shot- they are a fun way to meet random people). Instead, next time your aunt or friend offers to set you up, or a friend asks you to go to a singles’ mixer with them, say yes! You will go on bad dates. You will go on good dates. You will go on mediocre dates. You will go on weird and exhilarating and boring and tragic and all of the kinds of dates. But dating is a numbers game, and you will meet someone eventually.

You don’t necessarily need to put yourself out there. It’s cool to stay comfortably single. But if you’re itching for a relationship, stop complaining about it and put in the effort to get what you want. GO ON A DATE.