Abuses do relationships no good
Marriages and similar types of relationships are kept going by nurturing, NOT neutering. There is a difference between the two. When you nurture something, you make it grow; when you neuter it, you stymie its growth.
What are the things that make some marriages the longest and most enduring? Among other things, commitment to the cause is one of the very top characteristics which make for successful marriages.
Marriages are demanding by their very nature – and this partly explains why unwavering commitment is needed to hold them together. There are those who say love is key. Indeed, love does have its role.
But, arguably, fiery love can only decide the fate of a marriage for the first decade or so, while most successful and enduring marriages rely on true friendship, companionship, trust: a family support system for all those involved in a marriage.
That being the case, a marriage – like a plant – needs nurturing. It has to be tended to: watered, etc. There must be self and mutual respect – and, certainly: no acts of gender-based violence (GBV) from either side.
Taking responsibility is a key part of what must happen from each of the parties involved in any relationship – including ‘multiple marriages’ as may be permitted by local traditions and/or religious faiths.
There are unwritten rules in marriage whereby, for example, a husband is regarded as head of the household who must provide for the family every which way.
However, this tradition is changing in this day and age of rapidly-changing lifestyles.
But, whether that is a good or bad thing is neither here nor there. What is important is that the parties to a relationship do accept that this is the way they would like their marriage to run.
With such an agreement, a marriage is likely to endure the trials and tribulations that inevitably occur in all human interactions. Challenges and obstacles must be resolved amicably, and not otherwise.
Violence of any sort has no place in a marriage. As we already know, children who grow up in an environment where parents have mutual respect and understanding end up a lot better than those from homes where strife is the order of the day.
In marriage, respect is mutual. There has never been a truly successful marriage where one party has been showing disrespect and disdain for the other party/parties. It does not make for mutual happiness and trust.
Trust is such that, for example, the wife can sleep soundly knowing that the husband is doing whatever he is doing in the best interests of the family.
The flipside is also true: the husband can sleep soundly knowing that the wife will not drive a dagger into his heart in a moment of unguarded stupor.
We marvel at these unwritten rules in marriage – rules which have seen to the endurance of many a marriage across this blessed land.
On the other hand, GBV has been the source of much pain in marriages in particular, and across society generally.
In such marriages, peace and tranquility are absent – and restoring both is not easy.
The relationship between government-cum-political leaders and the citizens should be like a marital relationship, and each party should play its part accordingly.
When political leaders and government officials assume that they are doing their citizens a favour, they are more often than not abusing their official mandates.
For political or narrower interests, NGO regulations are formulated in such a way that they cannot exist to create jobs. If you make filming a crime; if you make owning an entertainment YouTube account damn financially restrictive – what should the people expect, pray?
These rules make it difficult for citizens to earn a honest living, I say!
A government makes its union with the people successful by always having the interests of the people at heart. Decrees, demands, threats, use of force – even if it seems to be the easier option – should nonetheless be limited to the very minimum.
Those of you in power: think about the relationship you create with your otherwise hapless citizens.
