CANDID TALK : Internal finance minister takes over my ATM card
What you need to know:
- That is not the only problem. Since my throat must always be wetted and my brain must stay woozy, I am taking an alternative to beer.
Folks, I, the poor son of this cockroach and rat-infested Uswaz, am contemplating taking a fatal dive off the tallest building in Bongo, or choosing rat poison to have for breakfast. This because after finance minister reads the national budget, the price of everything that matters to me will shoot through the roof headed for Venus.
All throat-irrigating frothy liquids from Ilala and Chang’ombe along with their cousins, including ‘cancer sticks’ (cigarettes) will go beyond my holed wallet that suffers kwashiorkor – all national budgets always condemn me to perpetual thirst for beer and smoke.
What this means to me is that the frequency of nocturnal visits to Mzee Shirima’s beer-drinking and kitimoto (call it devil’s culinary delight or pork if you like) eating hole will be minimal henceforth.
That is not the only problem. Since my throat must always be wetted and my brain must stay woozy, I am taking an alternative to beer.
I am shifting base to Mama Mwakilambo’s joint. In case you don’t know who Mama Mwakilambo is, let me clear the air for you. She is an Amazon of a woman famed for brewing gongo along with other illicit brews in this sprawling Uswaz. She is also famous for her “kindness” for she indeed allows me to drink on credit whenever my wallet is headed for financial ICU suffering financial kwashiorkor.
Her stuff is known to be so potent, capable of knocking down an African elephant. The only real snag here is the possibility of finding myself arrested by Said Mwema’s boys and girls. Since spending a night in Uswaz police station is not my cup of tea, I am always gripped by serious fear of such an eventuality. I will have to invent a way to go around this problem – pretty soon.
The most affected by the national budget is my one-and-only woman Bisho Ntongo who doubles as my internal finance minister and prime minster all wrapped in one. She claims that in the past, I have been reckless with finances and that she will henceforth institute some strict budgetary controls. As one of the measures, she has taken over my ATM card and changed the password.
The national budget is already causing serious strain in that I am worried stiff that she might confine me to sleeping on the sofa because of grabbing one or two beers – I am foreseeing it throwing my marriage to the dogs.
