CANDID TALK : Why beauty is in the eyes of a beer holder
What you need to know:
- Anyway, this neither here nor there. On the other hand, my drinking chum, Winch thinks that there is neither an ugly nor a beautiful woman. He goes ahead to corrupt William Shakespeare’s quip that says “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. In his sagely wisdom, he thinks that beauty is in the eyes of a beer holder and I agree with him fully. Why doubt it when I very well know what happens at Mzee Shirima’s beer den?
In Uswaz, you are either ugly or beautiful if you are a woman. Ugly as my landlady who comes knocking at my door every six months demanding for rent or “beautiful” as Tatu, my favourite who almost sent Dr Winchinslauss Rwegoshora (PhD, MA, BA, Dip) into a near-death experience after she fondled his you-know-where resulting to a fight the size of WWII with his wife.
Anyway, this neither here nor there. On the other hand, my drinking chum, Winch thinks that there is neither an ugly nor a beautiful woman. He goes ahead to corrupt William Shakespeare’s quip that says “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. In his sagely wisdom, he thinks that beauty is in the eyes of a beer holder and I agree with him fully. Why doubt it when I very well know what happens at Mzee Shirima’s beer den?
Sample this; it is on a weekend and I arrive at bar ready to drown myself in a beer bottle like a thirsty fly. In other words, your throat has commanded me to “steal” a few Msimbazis (real red Tanzanian shillings) from Bisho Ntongo’s handbag hoping to replace it later after being paid by my mean employer on 45th day of the month.
For sure, Tatu the barmaid will certainly be there serving this or that customer. Mostly, I down the first two beers at an Olympic speed. After this, I will be irrigating my Kalahari-perched throat leisurely with no incidences.
Where is the hurry when the night is still a virgin? Tatu to begin with is a plain woman who decided that God was mistaken to give her a dark complexion.
As a result, she took to application of lightening agents. If truth be said, she has that deathly paleness you see on a corpse at Muhimbili Hospital morgue. When she wears her blouse low (which she always does), she reveals an ample cleavage that has stretch marks as a result of using these chemicals.
By sixth beer, I order her to sit next to me and I offer her a bottle of Castle larger which she gracefully swallows. Woozy in head, she looks passably beautiful.
By the seventh bottle, her bad front tooth looks like a natural gap, thus making her much more beautiful. As I swallow more beers, she looks headed to becoming a model despite of her baobab tree-like girth (she is well endowed).
By the time I have my tenth beer, with her hands inside the zipper, she undergoes complete metamorphosis – she becomes the Greek sex goddess!
