Ladies, steer clear of these men!

Finding the right partner that you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with is not that easy. Women often times make the wrong choices and end up dating Mr Wrong instead of Mr Right. Men come in different shapes and sizes, all having unique qualities and characters – a hefty selection process for women.

There are women who prefer dating ‘bad boys’, while others find solace in the arms of men with a more collected persona – to each their own.

Generally, though, there are men who should be avoided like the plague, men who are not fit for any woman, those who fall short in all qualities deemed appealing to women.

Woman had an opportunity to talk to a few women who have been in relationships (including marriage) for a long period of time and they gave advice on the type of men women need to avoid if they want to have a good, long-lasting and healthy relationship.

Mama’s boy

Magreth Noah, 48, has been married for 20 years and her advice to young women out there is that they should avoid men who are ‘mama’s boy’. According to her, for any relationship to be strong it takes two people to put in equal effort, 3 is a crowd. 

She says men of this type prefer to include their mothers in everything they do; they seek approval from their mum every single chance they get. “They cannot do anything without the go ahead from their mother, even if they have a wife and the decision they are about to make involves his family,” explains Magreth.

 She says such type of men hail their mothers as the key decision makers in almost everything in their life. “The mother’s decision is always final, even if it contradicts that of the wife,” she says, adding, “as a woman who has been through the same experience, I think women should be more careful when they find themselves in a relationship with this type of a man and if possible try to avoid them altogether because it is a very frustrating experience to live with.” 

Careless and irresponsible men

There is nothing worse than being with a man who is careless and utterly irresponsible. Such a man doesn’t own up to his role in a relationship and will only frustrate you more with each passing day.

Joan Waziri, 30, has had her share of such type of men. A professional accountant, Joan dated a man whom she grades as being irresponsible and careless. She dated the man three years ago and it’s no surprise that their relationship didn’t last long.

Joan was under pressure to find a husband and so when she started a relationship with the man, she didn’t pay much attention to his behaviour , “I was happy at first, and I did everything to make the relationship work, however with time I realised that I was dating  a man who didn’t  like to be independent and he preferred  dating  women who are well accomplished.

“He was the type of man of would sit and wait for me to do everything for him, even buying him air time. I tried to support him thinking that he’ll learn to be independent but my efforts were in vain. Basing on my experience, I think women should steer clear of such types of men who have these traits because the relationship is doomed to fail,” she says.

Con artist/Playboy

When you are in a relationship you do have a lot of expectations and beliefs about what you are getting into. But with a playboy, nothing is exact. You should expect a lot of surprises that are not really positive or thrilling when you are dating a playboy. Playboys often times share similar qualities with con artists – they dupe women in to falling for them under false pretence, harbouring a hidden agenda under their sleeves.

Rhoda Solomon, 29, was involved with a good looking man who worked in the same office building. She felt lucky dating a man who was the envy of many.  “He captured my heart and made me feel so much loved but what I didn’t know is that he was involved in a series of other relationships as well. He had his own way of captivating the hearts of different women all at once without any of us knowing about the other,” she says.

Such men love to appear smart and this increases their chances of attracting women easily. “When he was with me he would make it seem like no other woman exists,” Rhoda says. However she was lucky to catch up on his act and left him, even though she had to endure the heartbreak.  “I advise other women to avoid getting involved with such men, they will only hurt you in the end,” she says.

Men who refuse to grow (immature)

Some men mature physically but remain mentally immature. According to articles published by a renown relationship expert based in Dar es Salaam, Dr Chris Mauki on his website chrismauki.com, some men do not mature enough and some of the things they do can reflect to their level of immaturity. The relationship expert says some of the precursors in identifying such men is how they spend their money on things that are of no importance, the types of friends they keep are those who have also not matured well enough. These type of man is a big no for any woman who wants to have a serious relationship because they will cause you more trouble than you bargained for, especially when it comes to making important life decisions.

Sex addicts

To add on to the list, Dr Mauki points out that men who love sex too much are also to be avoided by women. He writes “There are men who are sex addicts. It doesn’t matter if you are a kind of woman who loves to get intimate often. What you need to understand is that a man who loves an undue amount of sex poses a real possibility that he will one day cheat on you once he gets bored of having sex with you. It is difficult to satisfy this type of man so once he finds that he can no longer get sexual gratification from you, he will look outside for satisfaction.

Mr Unavailable

According to Dr Mauki, there are some men who think the strength of their relationship is based on their ability to provide for their women. For instance if you don’t have a phone, he will buy you two of them and even an extra one. If you don’t have air time he will send you more than you require. If you want him to rent you a house he can afford to buy you a mansion. The problem comes when you want to have time to spend with him, he will have a number of excuses to give. This type of man will only show up when he wants to be intimate with you and once he is satisfied you won’t see him until when he needs you another time.

Chris says this has happened to a lot of women who have found themselves getting into a relationship with married men. “Never will a married man have a truthful and wholly satisfying relationship with another woman who is not his wife, you will have to agree to be play second fiddle after his wife and children,” he says.

Violent\ abusive men

Such types of men are very dangerous and can cause both physical and emotional wounds to women. We often hear of domestic violence, it is men who are violent that propagate such kind of ordeal in relationships. No woman should ever date a man who physically or emotionally hurts her. You are better off single than being with such kind of a man.