How to educate children about sexual abuse

Recent school sexual abuse allegations have raised a lot of concern from parents and the community as a whole on the safety of children, particularly those staying in boarding schools.

Child sexual abuse is a global public health and human rights concern and despite of it being a crime in most countries, and with recognised physical and mental health consequences, the majority of sexual offences are not reported while others are reported late.

A 2011 report done by UNICEF and the then Ministry of Community Development shows about 60 per cent of acts of sexual abuse on minors are perpetrated by family members or close individuals. The report also shows that about 49 per cent of abuses occur inside victims’ homes, 23 per cent on the way to or back from school, and 15 per cent in school.

Understanding that it will take time and a lot of efforts to get rid of such maltreatment acts perpetrated by adults or older children toward younger children who have little power to resist, there are recommended duties that experts believe that parents and even teachers can assume in ensuring a safe school environment for children.

“I have been openly talking to my 9 year-old boy about these issue ever since he was in nursery. I would tell him not to allow anyone to touch him in his private parts or to follow anyone who will offer to give him sweets. As he grew older, he became more curious that’s when I tried to tell him openly why he should never allow anyone to do the things I restricted,” says Marion Assey, a mother of three.

“I am glad that I did it early because he has become so open to me and whenever he is curious about something, he asks. Most mothers refrain from talking to their boys and instead focus more on girls because for many years it’s girls who have been the victim of sexual abuse but boys too have been highly affected by abuse,” she adds.

She adds that allowing children to speak openly and with confidence on things they don’t understand or are not happy about can be of so much help because instead of then worrying that they may be punished, they are assured that someone is there to listen to them and help them if necessary. “Parents need to have time to speak to their children, having family time to discuss issues that are of concern to our children can really help to solve the above problem,” she advises.

On her part, a retired teacher based in Moshi, Kilimanjaro, Magret William, says times have changed and parents need to be very close to their children and talk openly to them. She says in the past boarding schools were there but were mostly for secondary school students but because of various reasons, including parents’ busy schedules, family conflicts, parents are now forced to take their children to boarding schools while they are still young. “In here is when they are exposed to such maltreatment acts and because they don’t have anyone to talk to they keep quiet until when things have gone out of hand,” she says, adding that schools should invest in hiring qualified teachers who can be able to identify these problems.

Giving out his expert opinion on the same matter last year when speaking to The Citizen on how parents can know if their children have been sexually abused, Aaron Nkini, a psychologist based in Dar es Salaam, says that the first thing that the parents would notice is behavioral change.

Nkini says that it is possible that a child who has been sexually abused to have speech impediment. “A child may be afraid to tell anyone about the abuse, and because of the trauma they may lose their speech. A child might also be uncomfortable to stay with their parents, especially if it happens that the abuser is a parent or relative. They might prefer to stay with grandparents as they would feel safer,” he says.

He also went further saying that other warning signs include a child becoming stubborn and aggressive. “If it’s a boy, he would start beating girls and girls would start beating boys. This reflects on who the abuser is, either a man or a woman.

Nkini advises parents to make time for their children despite having busy schedules. “Parents can choose to devote just half an hour of their undivided attention to their children, just to understand what is going on with them.

The more you become open to your child and encourage them to talk, it opens room for them to share whatever is going on in their lives -- both at school and home,” says Nkini.