Social media has made everyone accessible, you can even find that weird kid from your kindergarten all you need is a name. A few weeks ago I received a friend request from an old friend. As we were catching up, he told me how I broke his heart when I rejected him way back in high school and how it made him swear off girls and dating till after college. I didn’t even really realize how much pain I caused him until he told me how my public rejection broke his heart and self-confidence.
As a female columnist it may seem like all I do is write about men who hurt women and just rant and bash men in general. But that is not the reality at all. I know for sure men get hurt by women too, it’s just harder for me to write about it because I can’t relate. I’m not a guy. However, I do know what it feels like to be hurt and how it can change someone for the worst.
I can clearly recall all the times I had my heart broken by some guy. I know how much I cried and how I was stuck in in my proverbial dark hole of emptiness and self-loathing, dreading love and anything that had to do with it. It’s a bad feeling that I wouldn’t wish on anyone but I’ve broken guys’ hearts before and I’ve hurt some really nice guys in the process. It sounds so egotistical but it’s the truth.
Obviously, I’ve never intentionally broken someone’s heart, even though some deserved it. I’ve never been a vindictive woman in a relationship and malicious person. It’s just not in me. There could be a few exes out there who may feel like I overlooked, ignored or played then but that was never my intention. There are women I know who have cheated on, hurt, abused and used their boyfriends causing lots of pain and a general resentment of women. And for that, I’m sorry.
After talking to that guy for the first time I thought about all the guys who ended up in that same dark hole because of me. My second thought was how that experience changed their dating behavior for the worse. This is what I’ve noticed about men; they take heartbreak just as bad as women do. Maybe even harder to be honest. But they’re not as expressive or emotional, so on the outside, it seems like they’re doing perfectly fine but deep down they are shattered. Whereas women are very expressive when hurt, we cry, talk, post, binge and then cry some more, men hold the pain inside and show no emotions.
Despite the difference in how we react to a heartbreak, we are very similar in the way we approach the next relationship. When you’re hurt, you build a wall because you don’t want to hurt again, your pride takes over and you end up hurting someone else in the process. It’s a vicious cycle. Every guy that has been hurt in a relationship will end up hurting the next woman he dates, it’s just how it is.
But you can choose not to be part of the cycle. The next woman is not the one who hurt you. Don’t let your broken heart affect the next woman you date. It’s a fact that there are heartless women but there are kind and wonderful women who have done nothing wrong. Don’t punish them for someone else’s mistakes and don’t be afraid to love again. You are not protecting your heart by acting like You don’t have one, you are simply missing out on love.
Be respectful, be kind, be honest and be a good person despite your dating history. Not because that person deserves that from you (sometimes they don’t), but because that’s the type of person you are.