THE DIVA: Red flags to help you spot Mr Wrong

Saturday July 21 2018

 

Obviously you want to marry someone whose personality complements yours. Who works hard, and has values you admire. Who’s mature, and knows how to get on in life. But you also need to watch for habits that would make a marriage really miserable.

Like avoid someone who doesn’t trust you completely - no matter how loyal you are. Sooner or later they start being suspicious and clingy, and start trying to prevent you from doing normal everyday things — like seeing your friends — for fear that you’ll stray.

Be wary of someone who mistreats animals. It shows a lack of empathy, and could indicate a cruel streak. Also avoid anyone who shows the slightest tendency towards either physical or emotional violence. Be wary too of someone who hates their family. They’ll eventually get weird about yours as well, and may struggle to create a stable family of their own.

Every relationship needs some ground rules, like keeping in touch when one of you travels. So if your partner keeps on breaking yours, it suggests they lack respect for you.

Breaking promises is similar. Everyone makes a mistake once in a while. But if your partner constantly goes back on their word, then they’re not serious, especially if their excuses don’t add up. What their excuses really mean is; ‘you don’t matter to me.’

Relationships are all about give and take. So if you’re the only one who’s putting effort in your relationship, then there’s trouble ahead.

Give and take

Avoid someone who tells lies, or conceals information. Or anyone who thinks they’re always right. One who is unwilling to compromise, and never listens to your point of view. Soon they’ll be forcing you to do everything their way as well. Even in ordinary conversations they’ll constantly interrupt with their opinions. What that really means is ‘I don’t care about your feelings or what you have to say.’

But there are also habits that are positive - especially in guys. Like he’s willing to talk about relationship and life goals with you. And doesn’t judge you. His family truly loves you. And he comes to you whenever he needs support - instead of going out and getting drunk.

He doesn’t keep secrets from you, and only makes an important decision after talking it through with you. And if there’s ever a fight between you, he genuinely tries to find a solution. Rather than just wanting to argue for the sake of it, or to prove he’s right. Instead, he just wants you two to be good with each other.

Above all, he’s okay with having married friends. Many guys distance themselves from friends who’ve got married because they’re not yet ready themselves. So if your man is still good friends with his married chums, then chances are he’s also thinking about proposing…


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