THE DIVA: How to know if you’re ready to get married

Saturday December 29 2018


By Chris Hart

You’re with someone you truly care about. You genuinely want to make them happy, love seeing them smile, miss them when you’re apart, and always feel good when you’re together.

But whenever you think about getting married, you’re suddenly completely indecisive. Somehow being sure seems so difficult. So how do you know if you’re ready to get married?

One clear sign is that you’ve stopped trying to change your relationship so it fits into your lives, and instead you’ve both adapted your lives so they fit around your relationship. You’ve learnt how to manage the differences between you, such as your religious beliefs, families or lifestyles.

The future has stopped being an unknown, and instead is a set of joint goals, such as moving in together.

You’re happiest spending nights in with a bag of snacks and a movie. Because just being together is all that matters. And everyday stresses like work problems and head colds don’t phase you.

You’re on the same page for the important stuff, like money and children. You don’t necessarily agree 100 per cent, but you respect each other’s opinions and exchange your ideas in serious, civilized.


You see the world the same way, but through different eyes. And those differences strengthen your relationship, rather than create issues.

You truly have no desire to change your partner. OK, you’ll both probably have some amazingly irritating habits, but actually you find them quite endearing. Because you’re in love with your real partner, not some imaginary image in your head.

There are moments when your partner’s needs take priority over your own. That doesn’t mean you’ve stopped looking after yourself, but when it’s necessary, you have no problem letting your partner come first.

You’re still a fully independent person in your own right, and can totally make it on your own. But you’d far rather make it with your partner, and can’t imagine a life without them.

In fact, if you’re feeling dependent in any way as you approach marriage, then things are not going to go well. Whether because you have no income, or need them to validate your self worth. You must be totally your own person before you’re ready to become a couple.

You’re both on the same page about your future plans. That doesn’t mean doing exactly the same as one another. You’ll both want to develop personally and professionally, and you must be able to support one another as you grow. So imagine your partner has just got an exciting new job. Would you be supportive and encouraging — or feel jealous and try to hold them back? Being married means being committed to winning together.

Still feeling indecisive? Then consider talking to a counsellor to help you make sense of your doubts.

They’ll help you to learn from your past experiences, challenge your fears about the future, and, if needs be, tackle any issues that may be lurking below the surface between you and your partner.