To our mothers in-laws, we got love for you but... - The Citizen

To our mothers in-laws, we got love for you but...

Saturday May 4 2019

 

By Christine Chacha

You carried our husbands for 9 months, nursed them with your breasts, taught him to tie his shoelaces, brush his teeth, write his name , helping him with homework and saw them grow to mighty men we fell in love with that we, as your daughters in-law amidst love and marriage matters allowed them to change our last names and of course alter our body figures to bare them beautiful children as well.

We know, it must make you feel like wringing your daughter’s in-laws neck that she’s take a place in your son’s life that you believe should only be taken by you.

I believe you’d like us to worship the ground you walk on for birthing us a husband but alot in such a myth is wrong in so many ways.

I have always wondered as to why it is often so hard for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law to have a good relationship? Is it because of the different cultures or personalities that clash? Or maybe it is because we never really had the opportunity to talk about what has been on our mind for the longest time?

When a woman gets married or is in the process of securing herself a husband (as the society has made us believe so), she’s warned of treading carefully in the path of her mother-in-law and sister-in-law as well (this two are as inseparable as a shadow to a body) or else hell would have no fury in that home.

A friend of mine working a corporate job somewhere in town couldn’t hold her bitterness every time her mother in love came to visit them.

Well, they get along so well but the fact she’s working and comes home late in evening just upsets her husbands’ mother.

Contrary to the belief that a working woman has a fair share in supporting the family, her mother in love believes that she just isn’t interested in implementing her duties as a wife to her husband and children.

She gets out of work and surprisingly enough finds her fixing her husbands meals, ironing clothes and even budgeting for the next day’s meals and everything else.

This is just sad and depressing at the same time. We love our mothers-in-law but let your sons be; we are not in competition because we all play our roles in his life and it’s better that way.

I believe married women don’t seek to get all the attention, care and nurturing that you once received but as your wife’s son she still has a share of his heart. Please don’t mistake her for taking a place that was once yours. Not every mother and daughter-in-law have a disastrous relationship but sometimes there may be conflict when you least expect it and even though the relationship with their mothers has changed a bit, they still remain their sons.

Of course you may see him less often and he may miss your calls more often but remember that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore. You will always have a special place in his heart, a place that your daughter in-law can never replace. Both of you are equally important to him and therefore it’s important that you understand each other and get along. Don’t expect her to dress and eat the way you want them to. I believe she as your son’s wife has a life of her own and loves to work, meet and mingle with friends too. Please be patient with us as we try to figure out our roles as a wife and a mother to your grand kids.

There are no manuals on how to be the perfect wife, mother, and daughter-in-law so it would really be respectful if you would stop comparing your daughter in law to others including her sisters-in-law and love her for the way that she is.

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