FROM THE CLASS ROOM: Teachers as co-parents

I’ve often wondered about the relationship between parents and teachers, and the line between them that seems to get fuzzier and fuzzier over time. It seems to be that when we were children ourselves, the divisions between teaching and parenting were fairly black and white (and probably even more so in our parent’s times). Parents were responsible for bringing up children in terms of values, manners, behavior, personal hygiene and personality, while teachers were responsible for imparting academic knowledge to children. There was really very little room for cross-over, and more importantly, very little expectation of it from either side.

I know for certain it would not have even crossed my parents minds to ask my teachers to make sure I sat up straight in class, or said please and thank you, or used a fork and knife while I ate my lunch. And I know that my teachers would have been absolutely horrified if my parents had asked them! On the contrary, it was not unusual for teachers to tell parents (in the dreaded parent teacher conference) to ensure they taught children to behave better, or to dole out punishment at home for dirty fingernails!

But these days, things have changed, and almost done a 180 turn. Parents now seem to feel responsible for less and less, and expect teachers to take on more and more. With the increasing amount of time that children spend alone at home, there has come an expectation that teachers will assume the responsibilities that parents once had.

It is really not unusual to find parents demanding of teachers why their children are badly behaved or badly groomed. And similarly, teachers also seem to bite off more than they should chew, offering parental input and blurring the lines even more. Somehow, there is a feeling that given that children spend 7-8 hours a day in school, the responsibility of their entire upbringing has shifted to the teacher (and by proxy, the school).

It is possible that this shift in expectation stems from the rise in families where both parents work (and are therefore not at home to supervise the children), thereby resulting in a vacuum of parenting. Are teachers equipped to take on parenting roles in this manner? Perhaps, but it could be a hit and a miss. Should teachers be expected to take it on? Its not part of their job description, so no.Is it right for parents to cede their roles as parents? Probably not.

And what role does that leave for parents, if teachers are expected to become pseudo-parents? Do they become just fee-payers? I don’t really want to co-parent my child with my child’s teacher, or have them tell me how to raise my child. In the bigger scheme of things, I’m not sure I like where this is all going, or where it will end up.

Waheeda ShariffSamji is a Director at The Latham School