Does your doctor's personality match their competence?

Machines beeped rhythmically around Calsine* as she lay in the intensive care unit (ICU).

Karen, her mother-in-law, sat on the lone chair beside her, bible in hand, waiting anxiously for her to wake up.

The ICU team had reassured Karen that the young woman had made good progress and was now ready to be taken off the ventilator in preparation for discharge from the unit.

At 31, she was mother to a two-day-old premature baby boy in the neonatal intensive care unit and 20-month-old twin girls at home.

Her obstetric history also included a term pregnancy loss and three miscarriages.

During her first pregnancy, she and her husband Jorum* had been blissfully happy about expanding their family.

The pregnancy progressed smoothly, with regular antenatal care at their nearby health centre.

However, at delivery, she was referred to the district hospital for a caesarean section due to poor progress in labour.

System delays—from recognising the poor progress to finding transportation to the tertiary hospital—resulted in tragedy.

The couple lost a stillborn baby boy weighing 4,200g.

Her heart was shattered; Jorum felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest.

No one bothered to explain what went wrong, leaving the couple to drift in their sorrow, alone and dejected.

She vowed never to have children again. Instead, she returned to school, pursuing her Master's degree and acquiring an additional postgraduate diploma.

Meanwhile, Jorum's business continued to grow, establishing two additional branches in other towns.

Five years later, the couple yielded to Karen's persistent requests for a grandchild.

Having grown up without knowing her own mother, who died during childbirth, and raised by a distant father and stepmother, the young woman treasured her relationship with Karen.

Though close to her three stepbrothers, marrying Jorum had brought Karen into her life—a woman who showed her what a real mother was, sometimes even at Jorum's expense!

The two women had mourned the loss of the baby together, leaning on each other for comfort.

With Jorum being an only child, she could understand her mother-in-law's longing for grandchildren.

In preparation for pregnancy, she recommended a gynaecologist she trusted implicitly.

After meeting with the doctor and discussing her previous experience and fears, she left feeling heard and her concerns validated.

She was ready to try again.

Draining journey

She conceived but miscarried before she could even absorb the good news—not once, but three times.

Through it all, the doctor stood by the family, providing emotional and medical support, allowing her to expose her vulnerabilities without judgment.

Just when she was about to give up on the emotionally draining journey, she conceived again, to the double celebration of twins.

Throughout the pregnancy, she visited her doctor weekly due to anxiety, even when not medically necessary.

The compassionate doctor refused to bill her for these additional visits.

At 37 weeks, she delivered twin girls who were unusually large for twins, weighing 3,800g and 3,950g each.

During surgery, the anaesthetist casually suggested she would benefit from diabetes screening, citing her previous large baby and now the twins.

Her doctor dismissed this, stating that a random blood sugar check in the first trimester was normal and that she was young and fit.

Both mother and babies thrived and were discharged home with good outcomes.

Consumed with caring for the twins, she paid little attention to her own health.

Barely a few months after the twins' first birthday, she found herself pregnant again.

By this time, she had relocated to another town but faithfully commuted to see her doctor monthly.

Around 27 weeks' gestation, just days after her regular visit, she developed a urinary tract infection that quickly overwhelmed her.

Jorum rushed her to the nearest hospital, where she required admission.

The attending gynaecologist, coincidentally a former high school classmate, asked numerous questions that left her with a furrowed brow.

She confirmed that an oral glucose tolerance test had not been performed at her last clinic visit and explained its importance, especially given her medical history.

A battery of tests revealed that she had gestational diabetes that was extremely poorly controlled.

Suddenly, an endocrinologist was brought in to manage this complication, and she underwent multiple sessions with a nutritionist to ensure proper eating habits.

She spoke with her regular gynaecologist by phone, missing his reassuring manner, particularly complaining about having to self-inject insulin.

Upon discharge, she returned to her doctor, who offered the option of tablets instead of insulin injections.

She ignored her endocrinologist's appointments, which ultimately led to her current crisis at the local hospital, with her former medical team managing the severe complications.

Her blood sugar had skyrocketed, putting her in a coma and jeopardising her baby's life.

An emergency caesarean section was performed to save the baby and give her a fighting chance.

During recovery, one thought kept nagging at her—she remembered the anaesthetist’s earlier recommendation about the need for follow-up glucose screening after delivery.

When she discussed this with her new gynaecologist, they concluded that she had likely been diabetic throughout all her previous pregnancies and possibly even outside of pregnancy, due to lack of follow-up and proper care.

A humbled patient learned a tough lesson that day: the importance of a balanced doctor who is both competent and empathetic, not one attribute at the expense of the other.

A good doctor must not only be competent in skills and knowledge but must also remain updated with the latest medical advances to make sound clinical decisions.

In Calsine's case, this would have meant recognising the significance of large babies across multiple pregnancies and conducting appropriate diabetes screening regardless of her age or fitness level.

When the anaesthetist suggested screening, an ideal physician would have welcomed this input rather than dismissing it.

Equally important is the ability to emotionally connect with patients, acknowledging their fears and uncertainties while guiding them toward sound health decisions.

This emotional intelligence becomes particularly crucial when complications arise.

While Calsine's first doctor excelled at providing emotional support, he failed to maintain the clinical vigilance her case required.

True medical excellence demands both qualities—alongside the humility to seek appropriate consultation with specialists when needed, placing the patient's wellbeing above all else.

In Calsine's case, her trusted doctor's warmth and empathy masked a dangerous clinical oversight that nearly cost her and her baby's lives.

Incompetent doctors, regardless of how compassionate they might be, can kill patients.

The stakes in medicine demand both technical excellence and human connection—one without