Let’s talk about the men in mental health
The way that our society is made up, tell us that men are not supposed to cry. They are not supposed to open up and be emotional.
These are the words of Michael Baruti, a renowned Tanzanian journalist, who, last year, started a new podcast called ‘Men.Men.Men’.
This podcast aims to unpack mental health for men in Tanzania, a topic that Michael feels needs to be given more attention and is a concept borne out of his own personal struggles.
The podcast came about after Michael went through his own struggles a few years ago, which impacted all areas of his life, from work to his relationships with family and friends.
After spending time in therapy, Michael got his life back on track and started opening up to some of his close friends about what he had been through, and he was surprised at their reaction. “Everyone was saying, this is normal, we go through this every day, this is what it is like to be a man in Tanzania,” Michael recalls.
Michael says it made him realise that Tanzanian men have got used to normalising these struggles, and instead of talking about it, they are suffering in silence.
The podcast has had nine episodes so far, and they’ve addressed different challenges that men face, including financial stress, divorce and grief, among other issues.
The conversations within look at the impact these issues have on mental health, and talk through the difficulties men face in opening up and talking about their problems. Some of the stories so far have shown that when these negative emotions are not dealt with in a healthy way, detrimental coping mechanisms start to happen, such as drinking and drug abuse.
Similarly, men on the podcast have shared that they have been taught that the only acceptable emotion when dealing with such challenges is anger. This is often termed as ‘toxic masculinity’.
While the guests of the podcast now feel comfortable to share their stories, they expressed that they didn’t initally talk to people about what they were going through at the time, as right from childhood, they were raised to believe that men were supposed to handle difficulties, and were not to fail. These pressures and expectations are a heavy burden to carry, they testify.
And while mental health issues affect everyone, global studies have suggested that men are much less likely to seek help with mental health issues, in terms of getting professional support, but also in disclosing it to their friends and family.
In 2016, The World Health Organisation placed Tanzania as the fourth country in Africa with the highest suicide rates, and out of the 3,001 deaths, shockingly 2,103 were men.
Michael shares that the reaction to the conversations on men’s mental health in the podcast have been overwhelmingly positive, and shows that there is perhaps a need for redefining masculinity in society, as depression and suicide among males globally has become a silent killer.
Nadia Ahmed, a counsellor and a psychologist, who features regularly on the show, shares why there should be no discrimination against men being emotional.
“Biologically, men and women have the same chemical reactions, men can feel all the same emotions as women, and that demonstrates that it isn’t to do with gender, these are natural human reactions caused by our chemicals, and they need to be dealt with in a healthy way,” Ms Ahmed explains.
Ms Ahmed advises that by accepting sad emotions, instead of rejecting them, you have a better chance in creating positive coping mechanisms.
Breaking down the barriers across Tanzania
Another interesting way in which the conversation about mental health for men is starting is through contemporary dance shows.
Msarimu Kaabuka is the Lead Coordinater at Love Arts group, and for the recent Innovation Week, Love Arts organised a contemporary dance performance on the theme on men’s mental health, which also had an open dialogue after the performance.
Msarimu shared that they decided to focus on mental health because it has become a huge problem globally and though many people in Tanzania may be suffering with their mental health, there is not much awareness or understanding around it.
After more discussions and research, the group decided to focus on mental health challenges specifically for men. Msarimu says, “There are many reasons why men feel like they can’t speak up. In our culture, men are expected to take care of everyone, to be tough and to be strong. We need to be more intelligent with our emotions and know that it isn’t weak to share your feelings.”
The dance performance focuses on a man who goes through challenges at work, and in his marriage, and doesn’t know where to turn to and throughout the performance, he sinks lower until he feels helpless.
The performance sees many of the dancers wearing masks – symbolising how men often hide their true emotions and feelings from others. Towards the end of the show, the main character seeks support and starts to get his life back together. Msarimu said he chose contemporary dance mixed with theatre to portray the issue, as it is a powerful and creative way to get the message across.
Their plan is to perform the show across Dar es Salaam and continue the conversation on mental health.
Ending the stigma around men’s mental health
Michael believes that a large part of the reason men find it difficult to be emotional is out of fear – fear of being laughed at, or misunderstood.
So how do we collectively as a society start to remove some of those barriers? Perhaps this starts right from childhood. Michael shares, “We need to look at parenting and how we raise children, we should stop saying to boys – ‘you can’t cry’. We should tell them to express themselves, and ask them how are you feeling today? Are you angry? Sad? We shouldn’t teach our boys that crying means that they are not man enough.”
The podcast has demonstrated the importance of conversations, creating strong support systems, and simply talking about what you are going through.
Michael explains, “I think in most cases men just want to be understood, and that can’t happen if people don’t have conversations. When men open up, they can learn from each other. You can know that someone else went through something similar or something even worse, and they made it out and came up on top, so it gives you the belief that you can do it too.”
Michael similarly noted that there is a gap in knowing where to seek professional help, he says, “Tanzania has therapists and psychologists, but there is a need to connect them to the people that require support.”
While Michael and Msarimu, through their different initiatives, are helping to unpack the stigma on mental health for men, they both want to see it take centre stage.
“Having a podcast like this and getting men to share their stories and their struggles may not have happened in Tanzania 10 years ago, so we are moving in the right direction. But the question is now – how do we make it a national conversation?”, asks Michael.
There is a long way to go, but it is encouraging to see steps being taken which are supporting men to speak out. And the one thing that everyone can do to help, according to experts, is to start the conversation.
Ask how your friends and family are, and take the time to listen and understand. Together we can break the barriers – and by doing so, we can create not just a better society for men, but for everyone. As Msarimu said ‘let’s just start talking.’
