PROFILE : You are never too old to fall in love

When Stephen Njoroge, a retired bishop of the Presbyterian Church of East Africa lost his wife in 2012, he was a broken man.

He and his late wife, Phylis Wanjiru, had been married for 50 years, and he had been used to having her by his side. Suddenly, she was gone, and just like that, life as he knew it was in disarray.

“She died in my arms, and even told me goodbye right before she went limp. She had cancer, and the doctor had warned us that she did not have long to live, but even that had not prepared me for her death,” says Njoroge, adding that he learnt then that nothing can prepare you for the death of someone that you love.

Like happens in our society, extended family and friends would gather at his home to console him, some even moved in temporarily. With many people around him day and night, the loneliness seemed bearable. And then they went. That is when the full impact of his wife’s death hit him.

“There was no one to talk to – the house was too quiet, and since I had been used to a certain routine when she was around, I felt completely unsettled.”

The first year, was especially difficult. When he went back home in the evening, he would sit in the empty living room and stare at nothing. He could not even bring himself to switch on the TV. He questioned God, asking Him why He had taken his wife away, which is ironical because throughout his 25 years in church leadership, he had assured his congregation that God had a reason for everything that happened to them, including the death of a loved one, and they should therefore not question him.

“The loneliness was too much, that I would sometimes talk to myself, something that alarmed me. I did not know it then, but this was a sign of depression,” Njoroge explains.

Though it got easier as time went by, he was unable to ignore the yawning gap that his wife had left behind. When he retired from church leadership in 2004, he had established an orphanage in Kitale, where he lives, which he was running with his wife. With her gone, though the home was still running as it should, it was taking a toll on him, since he was shouldering what had been her responsibilities as well.

Horrified at thought of remarrying

When the idea of remarrying came to him about three years after his wife’s death, he brushed it aside, horrified. But it kept recurring, and eventually, he decided to confront it. There was a woman he knew, a widow who had been a family friend for many years.

“I had known her for a long time, since 1975 in fact, and I liked her character; she was not only someone who would make a good companion, the children I looked after would benefit from her loving nature,” Njoroge explains.

Joyce Wangui, a mother of four, had been widowed for 12 years, and had no complaints with the state of her life. When Njoroge approached her with his “outrageous” proposal, she was so taken aback, she laughed. In fact, she thought his was a bad joke.

“I immediately turned him down, the first reason being that at 70, I felt I was too old to be courted, leave alone get married – I was also convinced that my mother would disapprove,” Wangui, a retired teacher, says.

But Njoroge was not going to be put off easily. He kept visiting her until she finally gave him the permission to court her.

“I had known him for many years, and knew him to be friendly, kind and above all, was a man of integrity – why not give him a chance? I asked myself.”

Their courtship was nothing grand, but they made sure that they spent lots of time together, talking about themselves, their children – Njoroge has six, their future, as well as how they planned to divide their property to their children before their marriage. They also told those close to them about their intention, and were delighted when most of them told them that it was a good idea.

No objections

They first informed Wangui’s 90-year-old mother before telling their children. Unlike what Wangui had feared, she did not object to the decision, in fact, she immediately gave them her blessings.

They then informed their children. They had braced themselves for some opposition, but the reception was not as bad as they had feared, though one of Wangui’s sons adamantly opposed the union, despite the fact that she handed him his inheritance.

“We had hoped that we would not have to deal with such a situation, but not everyone will agree with the decisions you make,” explains Wangui.

Once everything was in place, Njoroge officially went to Wangui’s home to pay ‘dowry’ though in his case, it was not strictly dowry because where he comes from, if a man paid dowry during his first marriage, he is not obligated to pay a second time.

On August 8 this year, the couple got married at PCEA Matunda Church in Uasin-Gishu County in a ceremony attended by hundreds of friends, relatives and curious people - it is not every day that a couple in their seventies gets married. Part of the bridal line-up was made up of their children and grandchildren.

Says Wangui,

“We agreed that my two daughters, as well as Njoroge’s two daughters would be in the bridal lineup - our 17 grandchildren were also in the lineup, while our sons made sure that the event ran smoothly.”

The next day, the couple travelled to Kampala, Uganda for their honeymoon, an eight-day holiday that was the culmination of their unique romance.

“I had proposed that we either go to Mombasa or Kampala, but Wangui chose Kampala because she had never been there,” says Njoroge.

A friend of Njoroge coordinated their trip, and made sure that they enjoyed themselves. Among the places they visited are Mukono and the shrine of Namugongo, as well as the source of River Nile at Munyonyo, in the outskirts of Kampala.

They plan a get-to-know-one-another bash for their family.