The road to recovery: Joy’s journey to metamorphosis

Joy Hadji Alliy is a self-confessed perfectionist. A successful lawyer, Joy spent her time, energy and other resources during her twenties and thirties rising through the ranks at different firms, punctuated by stints abroad on studies. At 38 years of age, she opened her own law firm.

On the face of it, Joy said life was good: a promising young lawyer, with an enviable salary. But, behind the career scenery, she was a woman who was struggling to keep up with the Joneses, so to speak: seeking not to be outdone in life. Years of nonstop work had her operating in ‘robot mode’ - and she occasionally suffered burnouts.

Joy attributes some of this stress to trying to prove herself as a woman operating in a male-dominated sector, explaining that there is “pressure and expectation for women to break the glass ceiling.”

On opening her law firm, Joy describes the next five years as a “never-ending roller-coaster”.

Working under high levels of stress began to have an impact on Joy’s health. During the first wave of the coronavirus Covid-19 pandemic in Tanzania in March 2020, she first started experiencing dizzy spells – to the point where she was unable to work consistently.

Several months later, Joy experienced several episodes where she lost her vision for several seconds. Later, she came to learn that these were transient ischemic attacks, also known as mini strokes.

In September 2020, Joy awoke one morning at 4.00am and realised something was drastically wrong. At daybreak, her partner Ross took her to hospital. She says that she was gibberish and the right side of her body was weak.

Joy, who was just 42 years old at the time, had had a stroke. On the way to the hospital, she says was overcome with disbelief. “I was asking myself over and over again what had gone wrong.”

Difficult road to recovery

Since the end of 2020, Joy has been on a difficult road to recovery. The stroke affected the mobility on the right side of her body. Mentally, she was experiencing PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and insomnia. She said the stroke brought her world to a ‘standstill’. From operating independently as a lawyer, overnight, Joy found herself with a speech impairment, restricted mobility - and was unable to work or look after herself.

But, Joy has put the same determination into her recovery as she did to her career. The process has been arduous: physically and mentally. On returning home, she began physiotherapy which focused on regaining strength through physical exercise, and speech therapy, where Joy bonded with her nephew, as they read children’s books together.

Despite physical improvements, Joy describes the rehabilitation of the limbs and speech as the ‘tip of the iceberg’ in the recovery process. The life-changing ordeal that Joy experienced greatly impacted her mental health, and she was left in a state of anxiety, wondering if another stroke would happen.

But after consulting with a psychiatrist, she began to get the help needed to deal with her trauma. While Joy recognized that counselling has typically been frowned upon in Tanzania, she notes it as a key part to her healing: “I didn’t want people to see my broken parts. But vulnerability makes your stronger” she says. As part of her rehabilitation, Joy began journalism. And, today, her journals have become a book titled ‘The Metamorphosis of a Butterfly.’ Unable to use her right-hand to write or type, she taught herself to write with her left-hand. “I wanted the world to know what it feels like to be a stroke survivor - and what we go through, so that people can take our condition seriously.”

She says that the process of writing has been cathartic. “By being very open about my experiences and emotions, it has brought me a lot of relief. It has helped me accept what happened and now I can focus more on my recovery.”

In the book, Joy describes in detail her thoughts and emotions as she begins to the grueling journey of rehabilitation after the stroke. Taking the readers through an insight into the ups and downs of the process, she also offers practical advice to those caring from stroke victims, addressing topics such as empathy and compassion.

She said the reactions to her book confirmed that it was an important one to write. Not just addressing the experiences of a stroke survivor, her writing touches on the wider themes of a modern culture that cultivates stress through overworking and a personal struggle of a search for validation.

Now, Joy describes a woman becoming ‘stronger’ each day. From losing the ability to do many simple tasks, through consistent rehabilitation, Joy is now able to independently do things for herself, like make breakfast,helping her partner, Ross, around the flat, doing laundry and ironing. These tasks may seem simple, but to Joy they are significant milestones in her recovery. She says she is still waiting for the right time to return to work.

It has been a journey of many emotions: anger, disbelief, sadness, vulnerability, and fear – but also one of positivity and learning. Joy explained that the stroke has altered her outlook on life and her approach to work, which was causing high levels of stress. “My approach to work changed as soon as I began to experience the warning signs of the stroke. Although I was tempted as soon as I came out of hospital to get back to work, I realised that I had to listen to my body, instead of always thinking about others.

“Now I am trying to focus a lot more on healing and looking after myself: I am going to have a calmer life,” she says, smiling.

Joy’s book - ‘The Metamorphosis of a Butterfly’ - is available from A Novel Idea, Make it Matter, the Mkuki naNyota Book shop and Amazon.