What are the good reasons for divorce?

If you read my column regularly, you probably know I do not feel too positively about the whole idea of marriage.

I have plenty of reasons as to why I am not particularly in support of marriage, however, I also am aware that who I am is changing on a daily basis and things I may or may not believe in today may not necessarily be the things I may or may not believe in tomorrow.

One of the discussions I am constantly having with people trying to sell me the idea of marriage is, “what are good reasons for divorce?”

This often comes after I point out that I never like to put myself in situations I cannot easily get out of, especially if these situations directly affect my life.

Divorce seems like a rather cumbersome way to get out of a relationship with someone.

But what are good enough reasons to get divorced? In the ideal world, should people even be getting divorced?

The internet brought up these as reasons why people divorce: lack of communication, a sudden change in lifestyle, friends who are bad for marriage, infidelity, difference in cultural backgrounds, money, addiction, mistreatment of children, physical violence, and control.

Religion and culture often encourage one to not give up on marriage, but rather keep working on it until things get better. I believe that there are so many relationship issues that could be worked on without necessarily resorting to divorce. Monetary issues for instance.

I have always believed that money should not be an issue when it comes to matters of the heart, however, matters of the heart become irrelevant once you have a handful of kids to feed. Love does not feed hungry children.

Apart from child abuse, my deal breaker will have to be emotional and psychological abuse. I have never really been worried about physical abuse.

My father did not raise weak daughters. As a toddler, my father called me, held me by my shoulders and said, “If anyone ever hits you, hit them back as hard as you can”. I have never forgotten those words.

Emotional and psychological abuse however is the kind of abuse one can never be fully prepared for. It sneaks up on you and leaves no visible scars thereby making it hard for you or those around you to believe that you are being abused. There is nothing worse than someone messing around with the way you view yourself.

There is nothing as bad as someone making you feel worthless, making your existence feel irrelevant.

You cannot fix this kind of relationship. In fact, you shouldn’t even try to fix it.