COVER: Has bride price lost its meaning?

Raphael Peter, 36, an accountant and Alice Masanja, 30, a nurse have been dating for five years now. Just recently they decided to move their relationship to the next level; marriage.

The couple informed their parents on their intention to get married. From the onset, both parents seem filled with jubilation for the good news. However, Raphael’s parents couldn’t shake off the thought of bride price and how much the prospective bride’s parents were going to charge their son.

Wikipedia defines bride price as an amount of money or property or wealth paid by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman to be wedded by the groom.

Customary practice

In African countries, bride price is a known practice in many communities. Many tribes in Tanzania still follow traditional ways of giving and receiving bride price. The way the bride price practice is being conducted brings up questions on what determines it. Is it important, or does it hold the same meaning as it used to?

Each tribe in Tanzania has its distinct way of handling bride price practice. Back in the 1950s the bride price process was utterly traditional from the initial stages to the end. Today, bride price ceremonies are being conducted in a modern way.

Background check on the bride is a common practice nowadays; this is done to determine some invariable factors that will weigh in when negotiating the amount of bride price to be paid. This is exactly what Raphael’s parents did as preparations were being laid down for Raphael’s wedding to Alice.  For some tribes, like Alice’s Sukuma tribe, there still remain some deep rooted traditional practices when it comes to bride price. 

“I was surprised when they asked for a total of fifteen cows as the bride price. Since my parents are economically disadvantaged, the family representative negotiated for a reduction on the price but to no avail,” says Raphael.

Adding to that Raphael revealed, minimum price for one cow is between Sh200,000-250,000. How possible is it for an average person to raise the amount to buy 15 cows in a short period of time?

Raphael was encouraged and advised by his parents to look for the money for fifteen cows and marry the love of his life. It being clear that it will take a long time for Raphael to be able to afford 15 cows, he and Alice decided to move in together while he continues to struggle to find the money for bride price.

The couple does acknowledge how unpopular the decision to move in together without being husband and wife is, but they have no choice.

Heavy price

Just as seen in Raphael’s situation, bride price has at certain times hindered weddings from taking place as a result of asking for a high price from the bride’s family.

 Another negative repercussion is that it imbeds an ownership role in men who become possessive and at times violent towards their wife claiming that they paid a high price for her. 

In 2006, a report by Tanzania Media Women Association (TAMWA) was quoted as saying the practice of paying bride price is one of the factors contributing to women in Tanzania suffering sexual abuse, battery and denial of their right to own property.

The report is based on a survey it conducted between January and March 2006 in 10 of Tanzania mainland’s 21 regions. The survey showed that young men who could not afford bride price ended up living with women and having children without formal marriages.

Part of the report said that some families force their daughters to drop out of school to get married, sometimes to rich old men who are able to pay huge sums in bride price without even testing for HIV.

Girls are married off at a young age between 14 and 15 and parents cannot be penalised because they are backed by the law.

In 2007, a case was lodged in court in neighbouring Uganda where an organisation known as MIFUMI took the Ugandan government to court in a bid to have the court rule the practice of bride price as unconstitutional.

This case followed a conference held in Kampala,  where activists from Tanzania, Uganda, Kenya, Nigeria, Senegal, Ghana, Rwanda and South Africa met to discuss the effects that bride price has on women. Delegates also talked about ways of eliminating this practice in Africa and elsewhere.

 Bakari Musa, 55, agrees with TAMWA’s report. He said that bride price practice has lost its meaning. Back in the days, most families had a lot of cows and boys and girls were brought up in an environment filled with etiquettes.

Adding to that he said, these days, as a result of bride price, some couples decide to engage in sexual practices before marriage since they know that bride price will be too hefty a price for the man to pay. 

Musa looks at the dependency level in today’s world where children start taking care of their parents at a young age and says that this contributes to ignorance towards bride price by many young couples.

“When I was growing up we never involved ourselves in sexual relations before marriage. Parents would arrange marriage and everything including the bride price. Unlike these days, parents depend on their children to feed them,” Musa points.

Expressing his sentiments further Musa states; “the whole system of globalisation has changed the meaning of bride price. People just give money without knowing the real meaning of bride price. This ignorance gravitates to the realms of marriage as well.”

Parents handling bride price

In retrospect, in the old days it was the parents from both sides that settled marriage matters. The groom’s family would approach the bride’s family and discussions would be then ensue to determine how many cows were to be given by the groom.

Everything regarding the girl’s demeanour was laid bare before bride price payment.

“Most girls were virgins back then. So parents were willing to give everything to get that girl for their son. Failure to pay bride price was considered to be shameful,” speaks Musa.

Victor Ishengoma, a marriage counsellor at the Empowerment Ministries International and also serving as Pastor of the Pentecostal Church, said bride price has been there for ages, but it is slowly losing meaning.

Shunning away from the perception that bride price is synonymous to buying a human being, he states that the purpose of bride price is to show thanks to the bride’s family for their job of taking care of the bride from childhood up to her adulthood.

He says that, “getting a wife is never an easy thing. One has to go through a lot of things and it will make him value the woman more after her parents assent to the marriage.”

Elizabeth Lupembe, 56, is a widow for fifteen years now.  All she recollects for her earlier days with her late husband is the high amount of bride price which he was asked to pay.

She got married 37 years ago. She was fortunate not to be mistreated by her husband. However, she acknowledges the situation has changed gradually and continues to change.