- Some people argue that some women consider marriage as a band-aid to solve personal life problems
- A clinical psychologist at Somedics Polyclinic Health Centre in Dar es Salaam, Saldin Kimangale explains the reasons that make some women to always think about marriage every time they enter into a relationship.
Marriage is an important part of life and many people are expected to enter into matrimony at some point in their lives. However, experience shows that when it comes to marriage, women seem to be more interested in tying the knot than men. But why?
Some people argue that some women consider marriage as a band-aid to solve personal life problems. Some say some women are so desperate to get married that they intentionally get pregnant as a way of getting a man to commit.
A clinical psychologist at Somedics Polyclinic Health Centre in Dar es Salaam, Saldin Kimangale explains the reasons that make some women to always think about marriage every time they enter into a relationship.
The psychologist says most women seem to be keener on getting marriage because of the fact that men who are ready for marriage are hard to find. A majority don’t seem to be in a hurry to marry.
“Most men are very selective when it comes to marriage because they consider a lot of things. Apart from physical appearance, men consider economic factors. They prefer a woman who can financially contribute to the union rather than one who is a hundred per cent dependent.”
He adds; “Some men take their time to commit because they want to build their life before entering into marriage. Some fear responsibilities and therefore choose to remain single while engaging in multiple relationships with no strings attached,” he says.
Referring to the 2012 census, Kimangale adds that the fact that there are more women than men is another reason. The expert says all these factors make it hard to find men who are ready for marriage.
Women who find themselves in serious relationships therefore consider themselves lucky and won’t let the opportunity slip by. They do whatever is possible to ensure they walk down the aisle.
Kimangale mentions social security as another factor that makes women seem to be in a rush for marriage.
“Despite the campaigns to empower women, society believes social security lies in marriage. So no matter how smart or financially stable a woman maybe, she still needs a partner to feel complete as a human being, which is why when she finds one she focuses her energy on marriage,” says Kimangale.
He says women tend to feel confident, independent... when they are in a relationship and that they start doubting their beauty, confidence, independence and all that when they fail to get a partner for marriage.
Counselling psychologist from Mental Health Tanzania (MHT) Bosco Bosco, says since marriage involves the mind, it’s important to understand why most women think about marriage the moment they enter into a relationship. Bosco believes social pressure, environment and dependency are factors that influence women’s desire for marriage.
He says social pressure is one of the huge factors when it comes to marriage. This happens when women start making comparisons with their married friends and wish to get married themselves.
“Women want marriage to show off and also because they found someone who is able to provide for them,” says Bosco. He believes if a woman is mentally stable, they can never succumb to social pressure to marry but would take their time and marry when they want. He says social pressure makes a lot of women want marriage...they observe other people’s life and end up wanting the same for themselves.
“It all starts with the internal instincts whereby one starts the discussion in their mind and later in their heart. And this happens through observation of other people’s lifestyles. After the internal discussion comes the external instincts involving talking verbally and at this stage there’s no turning back on the decision about marriage,” he explains.
Environment contributes significantly to changing people’s attitudes and creating a different type of women in society.
“You know, most independent women are not looking at marriage as a solution to their problems, they look at marriage as a way of starting a new life with someone. But the dependent one only looks at marriage as a tool to help solve their problems,” says Bosco.
He says there are two types of dependent women who are mostly in a hurry to get married.
He says when a woman is not confident with their looks, they will try to speed up relationships, fearing they might lose the person and that they won’t be able to find another one.
“When a woman’s age advances, all they think about is marriage. They believe that no one would be able to love them at that age, so what they try is speed up things to avoid the shame. Women try to speed up relationships into marriage because the person they are dating is wealthy. They believe by marrying that person, their requirements will be fulfilled,” he says
Bosco says family pressure is another factor that influences women to desperately want marriage. Families always believe it is a sign of respect for their daughter to get married.
“When a girl gets married, it earns her family respect and shows the family has raised their daughter well,” he explains.
Angela Kibwana, a resident of Dar es Salaam says marriage is not on her priority list. She thinks both men and women have a desire to pair up. She says while some women dream of their wedding , some men too date with the idea of getting married.
Another city resident who identified herself as Melisa believes women desire to marry because of the fairy tales where couples are said to live happily ever-after.
“Most of us were raised hearing those fairy tales, watching soap operas and romantic movies which involve husbands and wives in happy relationships. These somehow influence us to desire marriage,”
She adds that when it comes to boys, they are raised to see weddings as something they need to attend and something they are expected to do at some point.
Evans a boda boda operator says “a wedding is usually seen as a sign of victory for a woman after she succeeds in getting a man to commit. Meanwhile, men feel like they’re no longer as free as they were before marriage.”
Some people however argue that unlike in the past where women were made to believe that it was imperative for a woman to get married, the number of women who are not interested in marriage and having children is increasing. These don’t believe in having a partner to be complete.