I, son of rat-infested Uswaz, have ‘eaten’ lots of salt

My brother Willie Kaigarula (next column) would love to wring my needle-thin neck until a qualified doctor from Muhimbili Hospital pronounces me cold dead. He would be happy to dispatch me to my creator because of writing something that bears semblance to his “Down the memory tape” column. He has no choice but forgive me for my defence is that I have also been lucky to live more than four decades and I have seen a few things in my miserable life.

According to my friend said to have “eaten” all the books at University of Dar es Salaam library, Dr Winchinslauss Rwegoshora (PhD, MA, BA UDSM), I should be a dead man. He says that since I am past Tanzania’s life expectancy, I am supposed to be rotting in a grave somewhere in Kinondoni. I have, however, earnestly pleaded with the creator that I see my grandchildren and their children. I have begged my guardian angel not to submit my life files to the creator for him to append his signature.

A few things remind me that we have come from very far. For example, I can recall many old geezers such as Mageranturubius Rutajama, the local catechist back in Katerero, Rutaijukwa Kajuna, and Rwezaura Stanislauss Silvanus are now approaching 150 years. I recall these guys when I was a kid growing in the village, all with black hair and straight backs. Most of the old geezers have already submitted their life files to the creator. I also remember those days before mitumba became legal, people wore clothes that were so patched with different coloured patches such that you could not tell the original colours.

I can also remember those days when people queued for sugar and fat at RTC shops for days and nights. Drinking a beer was anathema and toothpaste was only reserved for the very rich. I remember those days when my old man who was a driver would come home with biscuit, cooking fat and other things and the whole village would throng. Do you remember when shorts or trousers were considered a luxury and our feet were abodes to all tribes of jiggers?

For those who are ungrateful to the government, I would advise them to stop grumbling. My lazy friend Hussein, the Uswaz wag, whenever he opens his mouth, complains about almost everything. He is so quick to blame the government leadership yet he spends his days playing bao under the tree. Last week when Dr Winchinslauss Rwegoshora drove into the Uswaz in a reconditioned Toyota Vitz, Hussein was the first to accuse him of stealing. I am told that he now spends all his days at Kaniki Kombo’s house convincing him (Kaniki) to bewitch him.