The difference between us and them

Just the other day my parents celebrated their 40 years wedding anniversary and as usual it was an opportunity to throw a party, come together with friends and family and celebrate love. As is the norm; slaughter some animals eat some nyama choma, guzzle alcohol and of course story telling as my parents and company reminisced on the “good ol” days.

I listened to their stories with a piqued interest on intrinsic the bond my parents shared with their friends was. I noticed that when my parents introduced their friends, they said that they have been close friends for over 40 years! Some met in campus, church and some go as far back as primary school. And over the years, they’ve all grown, changed and gone through situations and circumstances but one thing remained constant; their relationships/friendships. It’s admirable.

My impressed self had just one pressing question for them. How did they make it work? What’s different? What’s different between their generation and ours (the millenials and gen x)? Because for some reason, we can’t make relationships last, we struggle with commitment, we struggle with holding down our relationships. How were they able to maintain relationships that span over decades? What was special about their generation? And they broke it down into some simple pointers. Nothing new, but something you definitely need to hear from an older person.

We define our relationships on things that change: Unlike the older generations who defined relationships on qualities like loyalty, kindness, love etc, we tend to define our relationships on things that change like status, money or other material things. Don’t dump a friend because you’ve been promoted or because you earn more money than they do, tables could easily turn. Over time, people grow, people change, so just because they don’t have things going for them now, it doesn’t mean it will stay like that forever. It’s important to look at intangible values in people you want to build friendship/relationship with like loyalty, love, kindness etc.

We compare ourselves with our friends: Although biology teaches us that 2 people can never be the same, we always want to be like our friends. Apparently for them it’s the difference between 2 friends that actually make a friendship rich. Millenials think that because someone is doing this, you also need to do the same. But you can be two different individuals, with different interests and visions, but still be friends and support each other.

A lifestyle of appreciating simplicity: This one struck a chord in me. My father said, “Pictures of Sandy Beaches, Fancy restaurants, and safaris in the wild are absolutely amazing and look great in pictures (IG or Facebook perfect’). But when you’re with your friends, you can have fun anywhere.” Even when you just go for a picnic or visit the country side, eat and drink together, chat, that’s also a lot of fun. No need to spend all your savings on some fun, which you can get while on a budget. Of course, you can take a few trips, but don’t break the bank.

We approach the fast lane without caution: This generation is by far more exposed to information and make more money in its formative years than any other generation. We live on the fast lane where we want it all fast, quick, multiplied, and if possible, now. In addition to that, we want to share everything we are doing with the world, flaunt our “perfect” life and want to be happy at all times.

In general it’s critical that we decide what’s important to us and make informed decisions on how we want to achieve that otherwise we spend our lives chasing the wind and never really achieving anything important