ONE MAN'S VIEW: How crybabies ruin their relationships
Unless you are in a violent relationship, keeping one’s mouth shut is a good idea. Not even your pastor, your Imam, your mother or any other confidant should be impaled with your relation-ship woes. I will explain. Many people in relationships, especially women will blurt out things that are not for a third party to hear. They will talk about their husbands and boyfriends – sexual prowess or lack of it, money problems and many things that one could easily iron out with their partners.
I have been married for 21 years. We do not let into our lives any third party. Why? Consider any third person a crowd. Many will offer you flimsy solution but before you know it, your entire circle of friends knows about it. Many people think that by telling their pastors or the Mama Mchungaji, you have sorted out things. No! While, Mama Mchungaji is a woman like you, she still has so many personal problems she keeps in her cup-board than you think she has. Marital problems can only be solved by two people.
But even men sometimes talk to their buddies about their relationship hurdles – unbeknown to those men hanging their dirty linen for all and sundry, the guy you are telling is inwardly laughing at you. Never mind the empathy he might be showing. By empathizing with you, he is coaxing more information from you. What do you do when a problem arises? You have two options. You can meet it head on or you can wait until both of you have cooled off your tempers and then speak about it. You need to rely on your thoughts and opinion through speaking to your partner – quietly and lovingly. Well-reasoned talk is key to a healthy relationship. However, not everyone has the ability to communicate to his/her partner
An inability to communicate can stem from anger or even unwillingness to communicate. When one party is unable to communicate to the other, especially on serious or important matters, communication breaks down completely, leading to a myriad of misunderstandings. So it’s true when they say, it’s either you talk, or you walk. Only in extreme cases can you involve third parties.
