Trusting the power of female instincts

Saturday September 21 2019

 

By Salome Gregory

Various research on women’ s behaviour patterns confirm that females tend to over think about different situations and come up with opinions and draw conclusions basing on how they feel about the matter.

Instincts are defined as the ability to react to certain stimuli or exhibiting certain behaviour towards a situation even without prior knowledge.

This trait usually happens to women. As Woman shares interviews on why a woman should not always believe her instincts, women say, most of their instincts or gut feeling materialize into reality.

But the challenge remains whether a woman should make a decision based on their instincts.

Just a year ago, Tecla Timothy, 37, and her sister ‘s best friend Mainda James* had a conversation on how a friend’s husband stopped to share sales information of their project for one month.

According to Mainda, her instincts just started soon after the husband stopped sharing sales information.

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The couple had a wholesale drinks store in Buguruni selling soft drinks and alcohol. According to Mainda they contributed Sh10 million each for the capital. The store grew remarkably over a short period with retailers around llala coming to make purchases from their store.

“All of a sudden my husband stopped sharing with me information about the business details as my mobility had been reduced. Nursing a new born hindered me from visiting the store. I sensed something was wrong somewhere but I couldn’t figure out what the problem was”, says Mainda.

According to Mainda she had to secretly send her friend Tecla to go check what was going on at the store.

Upon her arrival Tecla realized the husband was collecting sales on daily basis but he never added a new stock and the business was shaking. The sales person asked Tecla how Mianda was doing as he was told Mianda has been at the hospital for one month and the husband has been spending the money to treat his wife.

“The sales person at the store knew that I was Mainda’s close friend. When he saw me he asked how Mainda was responding to treatment as he never wanted to bother her. To my surprise, I told her Mianda is at home and she is not sick,” says Tecla.

The sales person confirmed how Mainda’s husband has been collecting money without adding new stock saying the family had financial problems. A dismayed Tecla went back to her friend and revealed the disturbing happenings- sadly confirming Mainda’s instincts.

Mainda was frustrated with the news and went on to confront her husband. Upon being quizzed he owned up and confessed he was paying back a loan which his wife never knew anything about. Until today, the couple isn’t on good terms and Mainda decided to take over the project.

“I believe in instincts. But it is always important to verify the facts first before taking action or making a decision” says Mainda.

Modester Kamoga is a Sociologist based in Tanga. She says, women are good at expressing emotions through body language - unlike men who are good at hiding their emotions. This makes it easy for women to believe their instincts.

Kamoga says instincts are more pronounced in women because they tend to take their time observing the environment, situations and people around them.

Women tend to take in every detail and do not ignore even the minute detail.

She however said, some believe instincts are a myth but following instincts has worked for some women in exposing a cheating husband.

They tend to connect dots on how a husband used to spend much time with the family and how things have suddenly changed and they conclude. Waiting on time to expose the vice.

Raisa Seleman, is a housewife who never wanted to believe her instincts. Just two weeks after having a bad gut feeling learnt her husband sold their house located in Bunju without her consent. She managed to start thinking something was wrong because of her husband’s changed drinking habits.

She somehow knew something was wrong somewhere but she did not know what was it exactly. Six months prior she had over-heard her husband bargaining on selling something but had no idea what it was.

“The house was almost done and my husband kept on postponing for us to move in. I decided to go to the house without telling my husband. Upon my arrival I found a new security guard whom I had never met before. I asked him where the person who used to take care of the premises was and he said the house was sold two months back by the owner who lives in Sinza,” says Raisa.

According to Raisa, she couldn’t believe what she was told until she was given the phone number of the person who bought the house. On calling the new owner she confirmed buying the house and advised Raisa to ask her husband. When she called her husband, he said it was true.

“Thank God I had asked my friend to accompany me, as the bad news sapped all the strength I had. I’m worried we are not going to be able to buy another house because he spends so much money on drinking,” adds Raisa.

So, is women’s intuition a myth or reality?

It is mostly reality, and it is based on gender differences in non-verbal communication skills.

In fact, the term women’s intuition” may have been created by emotionally-clueless men.

Rajabu Issa is a husband and a father of two. He says, female instincts are not to be given attention as they are in a position of ruining relationships.

He also says that he has been living away from his family for the past three years now.

The husband is currently working in Shinyanga where they agreed his family should remain with the wife so as not to disturb the children with changing schools.

However, his wife doesn’t not trust him st sll.

She constantly accuses him of having extramarital affairs, which is really not true.

“I don’t like it when my wife doesn’t trust me.

“She has done a lot of surprise visits onme - but she always finds me alone at home.

“I pick her calls on time, I call her more often, I text her back she still believes her instincts,” says Rajabu.

What with one thing leading to another, Rajabu urges all women not believe their instincts as doing so creates a lot of conflicts, including physical fights, in the home every now and then. All in all, this makes it difficult for people to build strong families.

As a result, more often than not, this end up in families breaking ups, with their children being the biggest victims of the breakups’

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