Keeping up appearances at any cost

Upendo Titus* lost her prestigious corporate job about five years ago. This however, did not affect her spending habits. She still maintains her luxurious lifestyle, though it’s a bit of a struggle now.

The mother of four still buys designer dresses, perfumes, shoes, expensive handbags and drives luxury cars. While the former director strives to maintain her image, it is her children who bear the brunt. They are forced to dig deep into their pockets from time to time to satisfy their mother’s needs.

An entrepreneur in her mid-50s, Upendo does not earn enough money to support her extravagant lifestyle. She therefore constantly borrows money to meet her needs. Fueling and servicing her cars, shopping and going out with rich friends from time to time.

She never worries about failing to repay her loans because her children are always there to bail her out every time her creditors come knocking. And she does not seem to consider ditching the habit. Fed up with his wife’s extravagant lifestyle, Upendo’s husband had to move out. There was nothing he could do to change her.

Upendo is not alone. Too many people live beyond their means just to maintain a certain living standard even when they can no longer afford. Others do so just to show off. They may not be earning much but they just choose to live large to impress others. These people are ready to borrow money or do just anything to fit into a certain lifestyle of their choice or dreams.

Dar es Salaam-based sociologist, Daniel Nyalandu, says the tendency is a result of low self-esteem and lack of self-acceptance. He says when people do not accept themselves for who they are, they end up drawing images of what they are not.

“It is very likely to find people who are busy seeking approval from others. These people will borrow money to buy expensive items in order to be recognised,” he says.

Shemeji Melayeki, founder of Global Family Gatherings Ministries says instant satisfaction is something that affects many. When someone gets a need for something, they will find a way to quench their desire. People who are dominated with instant satisfaction, he says will do just anything to get just that, which leaves them in debt and eventually a stressful life.

Shemeji says when some people are assured of a reliable income source, they tend to live beyond their means. “Many employees for example have a tendency of spending more than what they earn. They do so because they are sure they would be able to pay at the end of the month since they have a salary. This makes them prone to debts.”

Shemeji says the key to financial freedom is careful planning and monitoring your finances.

“Most people think that successful people are wealthy by accident. Others believe that it’s by God’s grace that some people are rich. This misconception has driven many into careless spending, believing God would not let them down. This is why we have people who are not afraid to live above their means,” he adds.

William Sengalai, an artist, thinks that people like these are just obsessed with living a fake life. For him, these people live their lives to impress others by showing them what they have and what they can afford.

“On the other hand, there are people who might not be intending to show off but they just don’t budget their daily expenses. They therefore unconsciously live a lifestyle that they can’t afford,” he adds.

Sengalai advises people living beyond their means to be themselves and live according to their class. They should stop being obsessed with other people’s lifestyles.

Laura Muya, a beautician thinks peer pressure has a role to play in this kind of behaviour. She says some people are easily influenced by individuals and friends who live a certain lifestyle. In order to show them that they belong to that same class or level, they decide to copy and live other people’s lifestyle just to show that they do fit in. Those who are doing well might influence those who are not, in a negative way, who may in turn end up even borrowing money to accommodate that lifestyle.

Laura says people should always adjust themselves to cope with their status change. “Life is full of ups and downs. At times an individual can face economic challenges such as losing their job and therefore be unable to afford the same lifestyle as before. However, in order to maintain status in society and among friends, they will still try to live the same way even when their income does not allow for that,” she notes.

A University of Dar es Salaam lecturer, Filbert Komu, says people like Upendo behave the way they do because that is what they are used to. He says you can not suddenly change into a party animal if you have never been like that. “There are lots of people who find value in pleasure. Some scholars believe that pleasure in the sense of satisfaction of one’s desires (especially sensory desires) is the ultimate good and the goal of human life. As such, there are a lot of people who would sacrifice everything, including life plans, dreams and vision for the sake of sensory or bodily pleasures,” he says.

These, the academician says require you to spend quite a lot. On the other hand, thinkers like Epicureans, a Greek philosopher, maintain that too much emphasis on bodily pleasures is not only costly but also a surest way of getting pain, the don adds.

Komu agrees with Laura that peer pressure makes people live extravagant lifestyles that they can’t afford. “People get so much influenced by what their friends and relatives have, like cars, dresses, or how they behave, drinking, going to the movies or clubbing. When we feel like we want to be with them, then we also feel like we want to be like them,” he adds.

Pastor James Mlali of Abundant Life Church thinks that the way many people live is driven by several factors. According to him, having inadequate life-skills may be the reason.

“Some people lack basic life skills such as the ability to make decisions or making plans for their own lives. Plans like budgeting for expenditure and for that reason, they find themselves driven by desires and needs rather than intentions,” he argues.

Mlali, too agrees that peer pressure is a culprit. “People may have plans or intentions but they find themselves living by comparing themselves to others or by being pushed by what their peers think and choose,” he says.

“This can be intentionally wanting to achieve more than what a person can afford. As a result, the person will spend everything they have and borrow money to cover costs of things that are beyond their means,” he notes, adding that most people do not plan their budgets and therefore find themselves spending more than they earn.

Jenny Martin, a mother of one, says most people find pleasurein showing off. They seek to be recognised hence they purchase things that are not really important like expensive cars, fashion wear and partying.

“These people lack a financial vision. Others spend more as their income increases. These fpeople ail to cope with the power of delayed gratification,” she says.

Also there are those who live large as a way of competing with people they think are better than them. They strive to live just like their assumed competitors or even over and above them. And when things don’t go well financially, the last thing they would do is letting anyone find out that they no longer can afford the life they portray in public. They are ready to do anything to keep this secret closely gaurded, even if it means living on credit.

* Names have been changed.

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