The good, the bad and ugly side of technology

How much time do you spend in front of a screen in a day? The answer is a considerable good amount of time, right? Did you say sometimes the whole day? You are not alone.

WhatsApp, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, you name it. Everyone seems to be hooked to the digital world. It sounds strange therefore when a friend tells you they are not on WhatsApp for example. The first thing you notice when they say so is that they don’t own a smartphone. You know what that means.

Almost everyone owns a mobile phone, an ipad, a tablet, a laptop, a computer and the list is long. But these devices and applications that they come with have a lot of positive and negative impacts in our daily lives. The apps can be very beneficial if used properly and handled wisely.

Let’s take whatsapp for example. This application enables friends to form groups in which they hook up from time to time, chatting, sharing jokes and even photos.

There are people in these groups who happen to be online from morning till very late at night. Sometimes you wonder if they ever do anything at all apart from chatting. What time do they work, cook or even attend to their families? You wonder.

Do these devices help keep families together or do they keep them apart? Do they strengthen or create gaps in marriages, relationships?

According to research conducted recently and published on www.ashrafulayan.com, between 80 to 90 per cent of people connected to the internet use whatsapp and only 5 per cent to 9 per cent use it properly.

A random survey by Sound Living shows that majority of people are so addicted to their smartphones, ipads and computers that they completely ignore important things like work and family. As a result, these people end up jeopardising their marriages, work and family relationships.

WhatsApp addiction

Maria James, 35, a teacher and mother of two is an example of how internet addiction can ruin a marriage. Two months ago, her seven years marriage was ruined thanks to her smartphone.

Because she was always on her smartphone, her husband decided to send her away “so she could enjoy uninterrupted time in whatsapp.”

“My husband and I had talked before about my internet addiction and I had promised to change. But it wasn’t easy to ignore the green whatsapp icon on my phone every moment I saw it,” confesses Maria.

She says the addiction was so serious that there are times that she used to respond to whatsapp messages while in class, eating and even feeding her son.

The addiction did not end at home and school but extended to her salon business. She would supervise work there with phone in hand, busy chatting even in the presence of the customers.

Although it was too embarrassing, Maria admits she deserved her husband’s punishment of taking her back to her parents. Things were not easy at her parents’ home either. They too punished her in their own way. They did not talk to her during the three days that she spent there.

Wonder what caused all this addiction?

Maria belonged to seven group chats on whatsapp, all in which she was very active. Not only that, she was an administrator in two of the groups. One of the groups was of her female neighbours, another one a family members group, three groups were of people she went to school with, from O’level to college. Another group comprised of fellow teachers and the last one was for married women who shared marriage experiences through the group.

“To rescue my marriage, I had to leave three groups that kept me very busy without telling the members why I was leaving. It helped me a lot as I currently have time for almost everyone around me,” says Maria.

Psychological problems

Reports available online indicate that whatsapp addiction can lead to psychological problems. For someone experiencing this, it is recommended to take yourself off from whatsapp for 2 to 3 months. And before returning, one has to make sure they learn to use it wisely without getting too much attached with their whatsapp friends.

Experts have pointed out that emotional attachment to whatsapp could lead to serious mental disturbance because whatsapp lacks the physical (face to face real life interaction) communication element.

Commenting on the impact of social networking addiction, Urio Mbago, a psychologist at Muhimbili National Hospital says a lot of marriages are facing problems as they largely depend on social media as a communication tool, even when they are having misunderstandings.

He says most couples think they can talk on phone and understand one another. Out of 10 cases that he receives in his part time counselling office in a week, 8 involve problems related to phone/internet addiction.

He says when two people in conflict communicate face to face, it is easy to read one another’s body language and understand what is going on, on the other’s mind. What many don’t understand is that phone communication does not always deliver the intended message.

“Device communication can simply hide the actual feelings and misguide people. One can say I hate you on phone while he/she does not mean it. She/he may just want to annoy the other person. If the other one also responds negatively even if it is not what she/he meant it creates more problems,” says Mbago.

He says about 5 couples a week, out of the 10 he attends to completely deal with their problems well, when they communicate physically. This way, they learn the best ways of handling their issues.

Ramadhani Mbaga,16, is a high school student at Benjamin Mkapa Secondary School in the city. He says that social networking can be both good and bad depending on usage. For him, he has been able to reconnect with old friends through social networking. However, there are times when they quarrel online.

He says the moment you post a photo on facebook, it is like there are friends who are always there waiting to criticise every post. In whatsapp groups there are people who post stupid things and when you try to explain to them that what they are doing is not right, they attack you and you end up fighting with them even though you don’t see each other physically.

Ramadhan says young people today communicate online mostly and there is less physical communication among them. He views this as unhealthy and thinks parents and teachers have a very big role to play to help the young generation learn how to communicate physically.

He is of the view that communicating through devices will create a lot of problems in future if users are not educated on the best ways to communicate.

“A majority of students use facebook and whatsapp to maintain their sexual relationships and post nude photos. Very few students use the devices well. And the most embarrassing part of it is that they even use them during class hours,” says Ramadhan.

Elizabeth Lupembe, 57, a mother of seven says communicating through devices loses the whole meaning of communication in any kind of relationship.

She believes in the power of physical communication which goes with body language, an aspect that is greatly lacking when people communicate through the internet/phone. She says there is no way we can clearly understand one another through online communication.

Elizabeth says most parents do not take the trouble to follow up their children’s online activities, which she says is dangerous. She also thinks since most young people today dwell on online communication, they in the long run lose the confidence to talk in gatherings and even to communicate physically with their fellows.

As much as young people are hooked to the devices, so are their teachers and Elizabeth thinks a lot needs to be done to educate the society on the pros and cons of the devices.

Fredy Mpepo, an accountant at St Mary’s teachers college says a lot of students at the college seem to be addicted too, since they are always on phone. When it is break time, the only thing you see is people on phone. No interaction at all. He wonders how these students would interact with pupils when they become teachers.

To him, communication devices do more harm than good. Why? Because people are misusing technology. Today people don’t interact as they used to before, since almost everything is done on the phone/online. In some families, you would find fathers, mothers and the children all busy with their gadgets. No time for them to sit and talk as a family.

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