There's so much that goes on in one's life and internal world that helps explain why people make the choices they make. Being in their shoes, we could make the same decisions or worse.
I always believe that people present themselves differently depending on the location and the people they associate with at a given time.
Stella, in One for Sorrow, Two for Joy, is dumbfounded when she visits her mother's workplace as her mother retires from her nursing job caring for premature babies. At work, Stella's mother is loved and respected because she is smart, assertive and listened to.
At home, it is a different case altogether. Stella's mum does nothing to protect herself or Stella from her abusive husband. Stella has become a punching bag for her father, and nobody does anything about it. But now that Stella has seen who her mother is at work, she can't reconcile that woman with the mother who could not protect herself or her daughter.
“Nurse Florence would have stood up to my dad. She wouldn't have let him terrorise her life and mine.”
But life is more nuanced than that. There's so much that goes on in one's life and internal world that helps explain why people make the choices they make. Being in their shoes, we could make the same decisions or worse. The abuse was kept a secret because family is family, and you can't let people know the family's secrets.
School becomes a safe space for Stella. It is where she meets her three friends and starts to see that other children are living a different life from hers. That there are families where children are loved. Protected. Cared for, listened to and provided for.
Stella becomes a barrister. One who is capable but does not believe in herself. Imposter syndrome follows her into adulthood. She lives wondering when the other shoe is going to drop, especially when she sees one magpie because she associates it with bad things, while two Emagpies mean something joyful.
As she gets into her 30s, Stella grapples with the societal pressure of having “the one” by age 30. She wills herself to lead a different life from her mother's. She wants to find love that is the opposite. Safe. Romantic. Considerate.
Enter Christian.
If it feels too good to be true, it probably is. Christian was so good that I felt happy for Stella that she got to experience the love she had been craving her entire life.
“My heart is full. The special thing that happens inside me when I meet Christian makes me long for my mum. I wish for her that she had known this feeling with my dad. I feel cheated that she didn't.”
Sometimes we trust people too soon because deep down in our hearts we hope they are good for us. Because we desperately want them to be. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for Stella.
It starts when they move in together. Small things at first. Then the red-coloured anger that Stella is too ashamed to believe could come from her Christian. That he would push her on the stairs. She is in so much denial that she can't admit that she and her mum are the same after all. Because the Christian who made her delicious food, who made her smile, can't be the same person who would do that to her.
I think this next thought process of Stella explains why people stay longer in abusive relationships in ways that don't make sense to people on the outside: “If they know he slams the door on my face when he is angry… They will be distracted if I tell them those things... They will not think about how beautiful our children will be. Or how safe he can make me feel in his arms.”
This is the most confusing and hurtful place one can be in. Being hurt and loved by the same person. This sends Stella into the darkest depression, to the point where she cannot do her job, let alone get out of bed.
The author brings back the girls, as Stella calls her friends, to do exactly what friends do: rescue you when nobody else can. To bring you back to life because they love you too much to let you feel alone or not enough. I believe every woman needs a community of women who will give her the space to heal. To feel loved and considered when all else fails.
“It's not always going to feel like this, she promises. She loves me, and the girls love me. We will get through this together. I am not alone.”
One for Sorrow, Two for Joy is one of the saddest books I have read recently. The author tackles a tough topic with such care that it makes it easy to feel all the emotions the characters are feeling, especially Stella. I kept hoping she would somehow catch a break. If wishes were horses.
Jane Shussa is a digital communication specialist with a love for books, coffee, nature, and travel. She can be reached at [email protected].
